Thursday, January 28, 2010

What do you do when your life falls apart?

I was sitting and watching Van play with his new blocks while I was trying to do one of my Bible studies. He built a HUGE tower and was so proud!! The tower stood the same height as him. Then all of a sudden the top blocks fell to the ground but the foundation stood still. Well of course my child with his God given temper got very upset and kicked the rest of the blocks down. I just watched and observed without saying a word. He started to rebuild the tower; half way through it fell again. Once again he got angry and cried and kicked the rest of the tower down.

 When that second tower fell to the ground God spoke to me! He said "every time your tower falls, do you get angry and kick? Do you turn away from me and pout? Or do you keep your foundation strong and build a bigger tower on that foundation?"

Wow! When life happens and things fall apart, what do we do? Do we just give up? Do we turn away from the blessings that God desires for us? Do we let the devil defeat us? Do we pout and blame God?


Do we stand firm in our belief that God is bigger than Satan and with God's help Satan can be defeated? Do we have faith that our God will bring us out of the dark valley? Do we look towards God for help instead of the ways of the world?

I don't know about you but I want to do the OR part! I know my God is great! He can defeat Satan! God can make things new again! God can make the tears turn into laughter! God can give you peace and hope while you walk through the dark valleys in your life! I know this because He has done that for Travis and I!! I want to look towards God for help and not to the ways of the world. I want to tell people no matter how big your problem is or how deep your depression is, God is bigger than all of it!!

A verse that has really spoke to my heart in the last few weeks is:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I pray this verse every day. I change it so it reads,  "My God of hope fill ME with all joy and peace as I trust in you God, so that I may overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit"

I heard a great saying early this morning, "When you are going through a storm in life you need to hold one arm up to praise God and the other one to wipe the tears away." I love that! What an awesome statement of faith!

I thank you God for speaking to me and reminding me of your presence in my life on a daily basis! I thank you for giving me hope and peace during these trying times in my family's life. I thank you for being there to listen to my cry. I thank you for just being you God!

With Love,

P.S. Van built another tower, but this time he made TWO huge towers!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Gifts for Landon

On Landon's due date it rained all day, just like the day I delivered him. My parents took us to lunch at Cracker Barrel. Van likes LOVES their pancakes and cheese eggs! It was raining so hard we were not able to get out at the gravesite. It gets so muddy there. Plus, Van is still kind of sick. Landon's Grandmommie and Granddaddy bought his flowers for the season and also the sweetest little lamb. The lamb says "Lamb of God". So Van & I went when it stopped raining to put his presents from Gma and Gdad there.  They look so sweet out there so I wanted to share!

I also wanted to share another sweet gift from my Dad. The day of Landon's funeral my Dad gave me two gold and diamond crosses,one for me and one for Landon. How sweet is that!! I cried of course!  It just shows how much my Dad loves me and how much he cares. There was nothing anyone could do to make the situation better, but with that gift it made it sweeter! The beautiful cross is such a sweet reminder of my precious baby and I love knowing that he is wearing one too! Here is a picture I cropped; I was holding him one last time before the funeral. Such a sweet photo to me!

The blanket you see was made by Landon's sweet Auntie Ginger. She had already started on it for his shower gift. She flew in from CA immediately after everything happened to be there for us. She finished his blanket while traveling so he would have his blankie! Also, his Granny (Travis' Mom) picked out his sweet outfit he is wearing.

I have such an amazing family! They have helped us in everyway they know how too! We are so thankful for all of them!

With Love,

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Today is the Day..January 16th...Our Due Date..

Today is a hard day. Today was to be our Due Date....what a happy day this could have been. Today resembles the day I actually delievered Landon...rainy and dark. Landon lived for only a couple of hours. Those hours were the most precious to Travis and I. I recieved his birth certificate the other day, such a bitter sweet moment. The lady at the office tried to talk to me but I could not get any words out.... the bright side on it was I got his certificate for free! Today we are taking the day to celebrate Landon. He has brought so much to our family. He has helped us depend on God like we never have before. Our faith has grown stronger and we have become closer as a family. We miss Landon so much but we know he is having a wonderful time in Heaven! So thankful we have our 2 little angels in Heaven looking over our family!

Thank you so much for everyone's kind words and thoughts! They have helped me so much. Many people forget. If you ever think of Landon or our family please leave a comment, send us a message through facebook, text, or give us a call. It feels so good when we know people are thinking of our precious angel, Landon and ourselves.

We miss you baby boy!


Thursday, January 14, 2010


My heart has grown so heavy for the people in Haiti. 80% were already living below the poverty line and now this has happened. Yesterday and this morning I have been online looking at all the news reports and also the ministries that God has placed in Haiti for His people. I found this one ministry that grabbed me. It is a rescue mission for children who are sick and suffering from severe forms of malnutrition. The pictures of these children are heart wrenching. Licia, the one who started the center, has lived over in Haiti since 1995. I do not know this woman but admire her so much. She listens to God and has to depend on God solely for help with the center. At times she doesn't know where supplies or food will come from for these children, but then she prays and always they are taken care of! What a Mighty God we serve!!

Looking at these pictures and reading these stories remind me how blessed Travis and I are. Even though we have gone through some really rough times and still are going through them. We still have more than those in Haiti. We have never gone without a meal (besides fasting), we have a healthy son, we have a roof over our head, we have transportation, we have fresh water, clean clothes and most of all we have Hope! That is what I pray for the people of Haiti, that they may have Hope and Peace during this difficult time. That God will handle the ciaos that is breaking out and that He will supply the needs of everyone!

If you want to help the people in Haiti and don't know what to are 2 options.

You can go to this link and make donations by clicking on the Donate PayPal or mail your checks to the given address. (There are so many other sites you can donate too, another one is Compassion )

Our church is also taking up donations to send through a mission group who is going over there. Items that we need are: tee shirts, jeans and shorts, flip flops, suitcases, first aid supplies, small tents, and camp stoves. If donating clothes make sure they are simple and clean, it is 80 degrees over there. If you can donate these items we need them ASAP (by this Saturday.) Please send me a message if you would like to help. I can pick up the items or tell you where to drop them off. Your help will be greatly needed!

"He who gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes (from their want) will have many a curse." Proverbs 28:27

This verse was for me. As you may know I was laid off from my job the first of Dec. then just a week ago we find out Travis' plant that he works for is being closed. So with that being said, we are trying to save as much as we can because we do not know what the future holds for us. BUT we are trusting and believing that God will supply for us and show us the path he wants us to go. So, we are giving as God as told us. Ask God how much and listen to Him. Then trust that even if you don't "think" you have it that God will provide for you because He will see your heart out of your acting of giving.

Much Love,

Here are just a few pics of the Center

These are the children sleeping outside because of the earthquake
Can you imagine this being your child?

Here is a before and after. What they do for these children is amazing!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Married Happily Ever After!

Wow! 6 years ago was one of the happiest days of our lives! We were getting married!! The day was so prefect and beautiful! We have had so many ups and downs. I wanted to do something fun, so I asked Travis why he decided I was to be his wife 6 years ago, this is what he said...I promise I am not adding or taking away anything! :)

• you were nice
• very caring
• you were pretty
• you were fun
• gorgeous eyes
• we liked the same music
• we were both in ministry
• love God
• he was shy, me not so worked
• both loved kids
• I had junk in the trunk (HA!! He said that should really be #1!)
• our first outing we jammed out to Ice Ice Baby & Baby Got Back (yes I danced! He said I won him over with my car dancing skills!! lol)
• my family accepted him ... (tattoos, piercings and all!)
• we both had similar backgrounds...testimonies

Okay so now are my reasons why I wanted him to be my hubby!

• very cute/sexy of course
• looked like a bad boy but really a big teddy bear
• love God
• very caring...will do almost anything for anybody
• kind of shy...but once you got him talking it was over!
• never changed for anyone...what you see is what you get
• a giver to God and others
• respectful
• I could be myself around him
• he liked chunky girls!! LOL
• over came addictions with God's help
• loved kids
• fun to be around
• a big kid...still is!!

So those are just some of the reasons why we wanted to be husband and wife! Now that we have been married for 6 years I could add more to that list. He has been a strong tower in everything that we have been through. He is a wonderful father. He supports me. He doesn't let things bother him like they do me, which is helpful at times. He is who he is, and sometimes I need to learn from that!

This is what Travis added to the list of post-marriage. Great mother, always there in times of need, stronger Christian given all that we have been through, loving wife, considerate of others feelings, and very strong willed. That last one I think is a compliment and negative quality; he smiled BIG when he said it!!

I just thank God for blessing us with each other! We would have not chosen the road that we have been down but I will say we are thankful for it. It has made us who we are today. We have experienced each other in ways we hope other couples will never have to experience each other. I am happy to say we love each other dearly after our long road of 6 years!

When I was given away by my wonderful Daddy!

It took two to marry us..Pastor Steve and Pastor Dwayne!

Yay! We were married!!

Happy Anniversary Baby!


PS. this song playing "How Beautiful", is the song that played while my wedding party and I walked down the isle. The beautiful Cassandra Matlock sang it so beautifully! I loved it!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Spencer Travis....2 Years Ago Today

Today, January 9th, is Spencer Travis' (his birthparents named him Tyler), 2nd birthday! I so wish things could have been different and we were the ones giving him a birthday party. I can't believe it has been 2 years! When we found out the birthmother was in labor we were so excited! We could not believe we were about to have another baby boy. Everything was ready! Nursery ready, car seat in the car, all clothes washed, all the bottles were ready, formula ready, enough diapers for triplets ready, got the double stroller, and the house was clean and ready for the little one (even adoptive moms nest). Never in my mind did I ever doubt the placement of Spencer since we already had Van(they are biological brothers). We were just waiting on the phone call to go get our new bundle of joy!

Then we got that horrible phone call the next day on the 1oth (our 4 year wedding anniversary). I had just put Van down for a nap and then the phone rang. It was our case worker, I knew when I heard her voice it was not good. I was standing at our kitchen counter and Travis was at work. She told us that things got complicated and the birthmother and the biological father decided to parent the baby boy. I couldn't hold it together on the phone with her. She prayed for us and told us to pray for Spencer, that God's Will be done. That prayer is so hard when you know you may not get what you want. In this situation it was not God's Will. I had to call Travis at work and tell him, he came home immediately. Our hearts and to be honest our spirits were broken. Then we had to call the rest of the family. We went from such happiness to such sadness in 2 days. Our lives were changed. At that time, I never knew that would be our first of many losses.

We kept the car seat in the car for several days. Neither of us had the courage to take it out, plus we were hoping God would change her mind. It was so hard putting all of Spencer's stuff up. I did it in stages. The last thing that came down was the pack-n-play in our bedroom. I waited for about 2 weeks to take it down. We shut the door to the nursery and didn't go back in for months. It was an awful reminder. It's been 2 years, 3 babies and the nursery is still empty. That is so hard.

We pray every day for Spencer (Tyler). I still pray that she may call. That would be my wish for myself and also for Van.

Coming from a mom who has lost a baby through adoption and also lost babies through pregnancy loss, the emotional hurt is about the same. You long for that baby the same. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled. The only thing different, I know Landon and Patrick are safe, they are with the best Father ever, Our Heavenly Father. With Spencer we have no clue and may never know. We pray that he is! Our doors and hearts will always be open for Spencer!! We will always love him!

Happy 2nd Birthday Spencer!!

With God's love,