tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35915373811616924742024-03-05T02:01:59.071-05:00Our Forever FamilyMelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-27201535670047480722011-05-18T00:01:00.000-04:002011-05-18T00:01:44.020-04:00Playing the catch up game!Time is flying by before my eyes and I am not sure if I am liking it or not. Van the Man is growing into such a "big" boy and Eva the Diva is not my "newborn" anymore. I can't believe in 3 weeks she will be 6 months!<br />
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Where is the time going?<br />
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Can we stop it or make it go in s l o w m o t i o n?<br />
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A girl can wish, right?<br />
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Van will be graduating 3K in a couple of days. I have enjoyed taking him and picking him up from school these past couple of months. I wasn't able to do so the first part of the year due to "bedrest". He has had a great school year learning how to write his letters and numbers. My favorite subject he is learning about is the love our Father has for us. His favorite is play ground time! He has made some great friends this year and so has Mommy.<br />
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Eva has changed so much since the day we brought her home. Right now she wants to "sit up" all the time. She will tri-pod sit for long periods of time. But have something behind her, she likes to push herself backwards really fast! She loves to give open mouth kisses, you may get a surprise tongue from time to time. Poor girl is teething. She wants everything and anything in her mouth. It makes momma sad when she is hurting and I can't take it away instantly. We are still having spit-up issues and some minor sleeping issues. Other than that she is the best baby! She loves to smile at everyone. It takes twice as long to do anything out in public. Everyone wants to see her and of course they talk about how cute she is, oh and how chunky! Makes momma proud! <br />
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Who wouldn't want to love on this precious baby?<br />
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Travis is doing good. I thank God everyday for giving me such a hard working husband. He works a lot and never complains about it. He is just thankful! With him working so hard it is allowing me to stay home with our precious kiddos. Awesome, huh? I think so!<br />
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God has placed a ministry in Fort Valley on T's heart. It is called the Feed Center Outreach Ministry. They are a non-profit organization that helps people get off the streets and back on their feet through many programs. Some programs they offer are drug and alcohol treatment, an emergency food bank, a youth mentoring program and a free medical clinic. He has gone with Pastor Al, founder of the ministry, to a big neighborhood outreach and loved it. He talked about it for days! God has given T such a loving and giving heart. Who would have thought a quiet and shy guy growing up would be in evangelism? This is defiantly God and the Holy Spirit working through him and I love it!<br />
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I am doing good also. I am done with doctors for a while...which makes me really happy! My white count is still elevated but after many many rounds of lab work they still cannot find the source of infection. I wanted and needed a break so I said I would maybe be back in 6 months. I know that God has healed me completely and this is just the devil making me question or doubt my healing. <br />
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I will not become "faint or weary" for I know my God has healed me!<br />
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"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<br />
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For my trust is in the Lord!<br />
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I have been praying the "God where do you want me prayer" for the past few months. I know I have been called into ministry. But I am still waiting on God's reply...sometimes I panic in the quietness and question:<br />
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"did I miss you God?" <br />
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I know my answer will be revealed soon. I am praying that I have ears to hear, a heart that is open and eyes to see! <br />
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For my trust is in the Lord!<br />
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Until then I am excited to start serving along side of my husband. I know God is moving us out of our comfort zones. The devil and our flesh can play such harsh mind games...telling us we are not worthy, we are not smart enough or that we don't know enough to share God's Word. But I am reminded of all the stories where God used ordinary people, where their past were a total wreck, and just full of junk. I want to be that ordinary person that God uses to bring more people to Him! <br />
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I just love how God is changing mine and T's heart and the way we view things now. Sometimes I can just cry tears of joy and be is awe of God's goodness and faithfulness! <br />
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I am not going to make any promises...but I have it on my "to do" list to keep this blog more updated. <br />
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Oh, only if time could go in s l o w m o t i o n!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-78319885404452189672011-03-12T23:29:00.001-05:002011-03-12T23:30:59.805-05:00Mommy got sick- this is a LONG one!The whole first week after bringing Eva home I wasn't feeling that great but I thought it was expected after having a c-section. The swelling was awful. I could barely walk it hurt so bad. I was told by friends that swelling was normal after having a c-section. My breathing was always labored during pregnancy and still was afterwards. I thought it was just taking time to get back to normal. On Friday I started coughing a lot and couldn't stop. That night I was up and down all night. I was coughing so hard that I started vomiting. Early Saturday morning Travis called my mom and Teresa to come stay with the kids so he could take me to the ER. At this time I felt like a huge elephant was sitting on my chest. <br />
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We arrived at the ER and Dr. C was waiting on me so they took me right back. I don't remember the ride there at all because I was so out of it. My blood pressure was sky high and I was only sating 75 in respiration (normal is in the 90's). They put me on oxygen right away. I use to work at the Med Center so I knew most of the crew that was caring for me. It took them many tries to get an IV. That was and is one of the worst parts for me. I was stuck so many times. They even tried in my neck (never again will I let them do that), it was the worst pain ever. Dr.C ordered a chest x-ray to see what was going on. They found out my lungs were filled with some type of fluid. I was admitted and taken to the 3rd floor. At this time Dr. C told me he was calling in a pulmonologists and an infection control doctor. Dr. D (pulmonologists) came and ordered several test and a lung biopsy. Many reasons were thrown out causing problems with my lungs- congested heart failure, cancer and several other things. I was on high levels of oxygen and the longer I was there the more respiratory had to up my levels of oxygen. <br />
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I was missing my babies so much and I just wanted to be home. I cried a lot when I was alone because my heart was so broken. I couldn't believe all this was happening. I remember only bits and pieces after the first 2 days. I asked my sister, Ginger and Travis to write the rest of the blog about when things went from bad to worse. My last memory I had was Pastor Dave from our church coming to pray over me and having communion. What a wonderful last memory! <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><strong>This is from Ginger:</strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Melissa has asked me to write about her visit in ICU a week after she gave birth to her beautiful baby girl Eva Faith. So I will do my best to keep it short, to the point and to keep my wits about me as I type.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am a little fuzzy on what brought her the hospital, so I will start with what I know. Melissa went to the hospital on Saturday, she was having trouble breathing and was put on oxygen. As many of you did too - Melissa and I text and spoke often. She was heart broken about being away from her sweet new baby Eva. I would call and check on her everyday, but on Wednesday she did not answer the phone. Tommy (Melissa's Dad) answered and said she was sent to ICU and put on a respirator. That she was not breathing on her own and needed the respirator to help her. She was put into a medically induced coma.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">On Thursday I arrived to be by sisterʼs side and to be with our family. It was the worst day of my life. Our mother had to tell me that Dr. D had told them that Melissa was very, very sick and may not survive. They said that they believed she had amniotic fluid in her lungs and it was fatal. All I could think about was how Melissa and Travis just wanted to be parents. Why was all this happening to them? I thought of how much Melissa loves Van and what she went through to get Eva here. How Eva would not know her mothers voice, touch, laugh or smell. All the things that you take for granted. How Travis would handle losing Melissa- how I would or anyone would. Then, I thought, NO, NO, NO this is not happening!! Melissa WILL get better, she HAS to get better even though her lungs are full of liquid, she has a fever of 104, her white blood</div><div style="text-align: center;">count is off, her protein levels are off and she is malnourished. Her body was so full of fluid she was unrecognizable. She had a feeding tube in her nose, a machine breathing for her and a fever that would not break. It felt like a bad nightmare, but was very real once we took one look at Van sleeping with his arms wrapped tightly around his two “sleep dogs”. He was so innocent and so unaware of what was happening. While he was sleeping in the room next to me his Mom was in ICU fighting for her life.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Friday was not much better. Her lungs were still full of liquid even after they had been washed twice, she had a draining tube in her lungs and she had two lung biopsies (these things had already taken place on Wed). The only thing we could do was pray for her and keep encouraging her to fight. Melissa was non responsive to any and everything, she had been placed in a coma on Wed. Dr. Lu came by and began to ask Mom and I many questions about the sequence of events from Evaʼs birth to Melissa arriving at the hospital. Dr. Lu did not believe it was amniotic fluid (which test later that day also said there was no amniotic fluid in her lungs) she thought it could be a blood clot. She ordered a CT with contrast. It took four hours to prepare Melissa for the CT. At 11 p.m. that night we found out that there was no blood clot. We were in shock. Everyone said it had to be a blood clot and that if it was it could be treated. Once again our hearts sank. We had to go home not knowing if the phone was going to ring in the middle of the night with bad news.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I believe it was Saturday or Sunday night when Mom and I went for one last visit to say goodnight to Melissa when we got another bad scare. The nurses name was also Melissa. She was working on Melissa frantically, placing large bags of ice on Melissaʼs core body parts and turning the cooling blankets on. Melissa fever was sky high with no signs of stopping. The nurse had ordered a new antibiotic to help Melissaʼs fight to get well. This was a huge set back for us,we had been told that the top portion of Melissaʼs lungs had suddenly cleared! Which was amazing! The doctors could not explain why or what had worked. Now we had to leave for the night broken hearted. Mom and I would try to update facebook when we could. It was hard to put updates, we wanted to but struggled with what to write. We would read the caring posts that Melissaʼs friends and loved ones wrote. It helped us to know that so many people were praying for Melissa to recover.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">The next morning after the ice bags and cooling blanket was nothing short of a miracle! Melissaʼs fever finally broke and her breathing was getting stronger. The doctors were able to turn the air flow down on the respirator. We were over come with joy! The swelling in her face was also gone and she was beginning to look a little like herself. As the day went on her breathing was getting better and better. So strong that it was time to let Melissa wake from her coma and see how much she had recovered. Travisʼs reaction was priceless as you can imagine. He was so determined that Melissa would be home for Christmas. That she would be their Christmas miracle. Eva was the first miracle and Melissa would be the second. Until now, the rest of us were not so sure. The doctors told us IF Melissa made it, she would be in ICU for weeks and at least a 6 month recovery after ICU.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Travis would not leave the hospital that night. He slept in the ICU waiting room. He wanted to be the first person Melissa saw when she opened her eyes. And he was! We were all so happy that Melissa was getting better. Dr. D was very shocked when he saw that Melissa was awake and breathing with oxygen- not the respirator. He was at a loss for words. He just kept saying he could not believe it. Her x-rays also showed</div><div style="text-align: center;">that her lungs had cleared. She still had a little crackle, but all was good. Over the next day, little by little, she was able to lose more tubes from her battered body. She was moved out of ICU and into the cardio unit where she had to start physical therapy.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Each day we saw Melissa getting stronger. Her will to get home to be with her new baby girl Eva, her sweet son Van and loving husband Travis was amazing. I was so happy to see her beautiful blue eyes, to see her smile and to hear her laugh, a laugh that I love so much, was the best Christmas gift EVER! At that moment I did not care that there was no explanation for what had happened to Melissa. I was just happy that she was</div><div style="text-align: center;">becoming Melissa again! She still was not 100%, but she was well on her way!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Melissa was released from the hospital on December 23, with the doctors still unaware of what had caused Melissa to become so sick.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">On behalf of our family, I would like to thank everyone for praying so hard for Melissa and her family. Dwayne and Al thank you for your many prayers, Crystal and Carolyn thank you for being there, Shane</div><div style="text-align: center;">thank you for helping us understand all the many machines that Melissa was hooked up to, Josephine, Deidre, Fawn and Uvlyn thank you for the treats and magazines. Jeremy and Amy thanks for picking me up from the airport and getting me to Macon. Also thank you to all the visitors that came to show Melissa and the family your love. It really warmed our hearts to know that we were not in this fight alone. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn5MQA8Wtaly8u4XIbHbBpgbNG8owcWlJ4C0zrIaszwg4qhMoF2h8glm2o0roV1NGrs5_f-GENBMedg6taxdaNt7rzfq63PN3WOzkatDhgjkgUg942m_WHUcXMWUhles48UJckRGR6Bsli/s1600/hospital.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn5MQA8Wtaly8u4XIbHbBpgbNG8owcWlJ4C0zrIaszwg4qhMoF2h8glm2o0roV1NGrs5_f-GENBMedg6taxdaNt7rzfq63PN3WOzkatDhgjkgUg942m_WHUcXMWUhles48UJckRGR6Bsli/s320/hospital.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">This is after the swelling had gone down some. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I am only showing this picture just so you can see what a miracle!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>From Travis:</strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><br />
</strong>The night Melissa was put on the ventilator I anointed her with oil and prayed over her in the Spirit. Friday they called me at work around noon and her mother told me she had a 50/50 chance of coming out of this. So I jumped in my car and headed that way. I called Dwayne, Al and Tim and told them I needed them to come to the hospital to pray over Melissa. I talked to my mom on the way there and I broke down and started crying. I told Satan that he was NOT taking my wife and she will be home for Christmas. When everyone got there including Melissa's mom- Debbie, Ginger and the nurse we all laid hands on her, anointed her in oil and began to pray. The next day her lungs began to clear a little but she kept running fevers. The doctors told us to hope for the best but to prepare for the worst. I told Melissa's mom and dad that I didn't care what the doctors said that she WILL be home for Christmas. Saturday night her lungs were clearing up more and the doctor told us it was a miracle and he couldn't explain what was clearing them up! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Sunday they started to wean her off the vent to see if she would wake up on her own. She didn't that day but I had a feeling she would in the morning. So I told her mom and dad I was staying the night. I wanted to see her first thing when she woke up. Sure enough 5:30 Monday morning I went into her room and her beautiful blue eyes were looking at me! She said "Hey Babe!" </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Tuesday they started getting her up into a chair. It was hard for her to talk because her tongue was very swollen from the breathing tube and her tongue had been cut as well. She asked for a slushy and on my way to get one, I called everyone I knew to tell them she has asked for a slushy! On Wednesday they moved her to a room on the step down unit. They began working with her to help her walk again with a walker. Her strength and determination to get home was amazing. The Thursday BEFORE Christmas she called and told me they were sending her home late that afternoon! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">So my hope to whoever is reading this will see by faith and holding onto what you know is true of God that you will never give up on what you believe no matter what other people might tell you. God comforted me and assured me that Melissa was coming home! Our little girl Eva Faith was our first Christmas miracle and Melissa was our second!</div><br />
<strong>Wow! Our God is an awesome God! I am still so overwhelmed by the miracle my Father did for me. Every time I think of it (which is daily still) I think of the song "Shout unto God" it says, " the enemy has been defeated. Death couldn't hold you down. I'm going to lift our voices in victory and make our praises loud." Even though death was spoke over me, once again in our journey the enemy has been defeated!! Praise God!! </strong><br />
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<strong>I can't tell you how thankful I am for such wonderful family and friends. I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and kindness that was sent my way during such a horrible time. I know hundreds of prayers went up in my name and I thank every single one of you! You knew myself and my family were in a battle against the enemy. It says in 1 Chronicles 5 that the people cried out to God during the battle, and he answered their prayers because they trusted in him. Thank you for trusting in our God and going to him in prayer on my behalf. When I awoke from the coma I could literally feel the presence of the Lord. We laugh and say that God was tired of hearing my name so he just went ahead and healed me! I can't imagine the waves of emotions that my family and friends went through during those weeks. I am so blessed to have such great family and friends to be there for me even when I was unaware of their presence. How sweet that my Dad would always be at the 5:30 a.m visiting hour and all the others throughout the day. He never really wanted me to be alone. My mom and sister would take care of me everyday and would do whatever they could to make sure I was comfortable. My best friend Crystal came to be there for me from FL. She would talk to me and encourage me to wake up. Travis' mom, Teresa and Aunt Twila took care of my precious babies when I could not. We never had to worry about them- just miss them terribly. The names could go on forever all that helped and were there for us! </strong><br />
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<strong>I stand here so proud of my husband for being so strong and brave during it all. He leaned on God the whole way through! So blessed to have married a God loving husband, one that will stand in the gap for me when I am unable to pray myself. So thankful he held onto and believed God's Word even though words of death were spoken over me. He stood in faith, fasted and believed I was coming home before Christmas- and I DID!! TWO days before!!! Praise God!! It brings me to tears every time I think or talk about it. Once again I am just so overwhelmed! The radio was playing in the car the other day, I wasn't really listening so I have no clue who or what the song was but one statement stood out to me and I know it was God's way of talking to me. It said "it's not what we choose but what He uses." We wouldn't have choose any of this to happen but I am so glad God is able to use us through our life journeys to honor and share about our Father's love and faithfulness! I just can't thank and praise God enough for the goodness that He has done in our lives! </strong><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwOeyqMa4tOiZWk56BmuTizgS4A_XZblZWpy4ozXYcXTzl4jSBaPAK_s9lXxeBLDx1jaxOUGlc_lFEcoY5pf6El8DxrDV3oYrgMF7oIE4XvruLBRAU-3Yr5cEPTfCBqbD01edn9QdX9eby/s1600/244.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwOeyqMa4tOiZWk56BmuTizgS4A_XZblZWpy4ozXYcXTzl4jSBaPAK_s9lXxeBLDx1jaxOUGlc_lFEcoY5pf6El8DxrDV3oYrgMF7oIE4XvruLBRAU-3Yr5cEPTfCBqbD01edn9QdX9eby/s320/244.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center">On Christmas Day our family was all together!</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><strong>When I arrived home I had to have 24 hour care. I was unable to walk without a walker or do anything for myself. I lost all muscle control and strength while I was in the hospital. My nick name for a week was the "paper weight"! It took everything I had just to get out of bed. I was unable to hold Eva for long periods until about the 5th or 6th day home. I was unable to carry her for the first 2 weeks. I couldn't be home alone with the kids for those weeks. I had to learn to do everything again. My brain would think I could but my body could not. Daily task like showers, fixing something to eat, and even going to the restroom were difficult. Travis and I had great bonding times that first week! For Christmas I got a walker, shower bench and a raised toilet seat!! But Praise God my recovery was quick! By the 4th week out I had stopped using all 3 of those items. To this day I am doing great! I have a minor cough but my lungs are clear! </strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Only God could do this kind of miracle!!</span></strong></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-30633685276336998322011-03-07T21:32:00.000-05:002011-03-07T21:32:30.165-05:00First week home with Eva!Bringing Eva home was so surreal! We couldn't believe it. I wasn't happy that she had to be under the lights due to her being jaundice but I was just so happy that our family was all together. <br />
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The first couple days I spent on the couch right next to her. Eva could only be out of the lights for feeding and diaper changing.<br />
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Travis had to go back to work the day after we came home. That was so hard because I was beyond tired. Teresa, Travis' mom would come get Van and take him to school for me and would keep him so I could sleep when Eva slept. Also she had to drive Eva and I to the baby doctor about Eva's jaundice levels. On Tuesday her numbers had doubled! I was heart broken! They told me if the numbers went any higher we had to take her back to the hospital. That night Travis and I prayed over her and asked God to please heal the jaundice and make the numbers go down instead of up. The next day we took her to get her blood drawn and the nurse called me that afternoon and said her numbers had been cut in half and NO more billi lights!!! Hallelujah! I was so happy! I packed the lights up, called the healthcare provider and told them to come get their lights!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Now I was able to put her in her cute clothes and love on her the way I wanted too! It was so much fun to see Eva and Van interact with each other. He wanted to hold her constantly and give her kisses. Who wouldn't though? She is just so cute! </div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Then I started to get sick...</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-78946674024943033252011-03-07T13:49:00.000-05:002011-03-07T13:49:14.966-05:00Eva Faith has been Here...a long and overdue post!So hard to believe that the nursery that has been closed since January of 2008 is now in use! The room that I dreaded to go in and never really did is now so full of LIFE! <br />
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Travis and I checked into the hospital on December 2nd at 11pm. I was being induced at 37 weeks due to my blood pressure being so high and the meds at this point weren't helping. Plus I was ready! I was ready to see my daughter's face and hear her cry! I was very nervous. I was nervous about the delivery in general and nervous about how I was going to handle being back in the same area where we had to say good-bye to Landon. <br />
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They took me to L&D, I was praying in my head, "Please God don't let them put me in the same room as last time." And they didn't, I was relieved. The nurse hooked me up to the monitor and started the first part of the process. When I got to the hospital I was already 2 cm dilated and having contractions. The contractions were every 3-6 mins but they stopped about 2 hours after I got there.Then it was time to sleep so I could be prepared for the early morning activities. Well, my dear sweet husband went right onto sleep and he snored ALL night long and VERY loud!! Even the nurses were making comments! So with my nerves and Travis cutting logs there was barely any sleep for me and I was the one about to do ALL the work! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJffhyphenhyphenWwHK4tFj8dlMw7ht3Dq0H0ZWRWyJyNyQ1SFnwj4VyM47v6UjppMbL-LqZQNHiYM9sc9zd1ePo1MNv_SCnyfGs6TREE74IHaINrSm1NY0lrJqIGKxxmssV3xaWxROedEcXzp3__PP/s1600/DSC05590.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJffhyphenhyphenWwHK4tFj8dlMw7ht3Dq0H0ZWRWyJyNyQ1SFnwj4VyM47v6UjppMbL-LqZQNHiYM9sc9zd1ePo1MNv_SCnyfGs6TREE74IHaINrSm1NY0lrJqIGKxxmssV3xaWxROedEcXzp3__PP/s320/DSC05590.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
The next morning I was so happy that I got a nurse I knew named Ashley. She knew our story and just her knowing that really helped my nerves. They started the meds and Dr. C broke my water. Boy did the contractions start then! I was having horrible back labor. I had the same with Landon. I asked for an epidural soon after. With me having the cerclage my cervix was very tender and I was in a lot of pain with every check they had to do. Once I got the epidural I was able to relax but never really went to sleep. But a few hours into the wonderful epidural it stopped working!! The back labor was back and oh so painful! They tried fixing it but it would not work so my only option was for another one to be placed. It took 3 people trying to place the second one. With all 3 having 2 tries...I was stuck 6 times! Plus during this time I was having strong contractions with horrible back labor. I am not really sure how long this epidural lasted before it stopped working . All the pain came rushing back..AGAIN! <br />
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We started the process around 7am and at this point it was around 5-6pm. I made it to 8cm but come to find out Eva was stuck and turned wrong. She was NOT coming out this way and I was in so much pain that a C-section was the next step. Everyone started moving fast to get me prepared for the c-section. I started getting nervous and was a little sad, but the pain was so bad that is all I could think of. It took a little while for the anesthesiologist to place the spinal. That was the most painful part. I held onto Ashely and just cried. As soon as the spinal was placed there was instant relief! Then Travis was able to come in and the process started! I was shaking like crazy which freaked Travis out. He kept asking, "are you sure you are okay?" I was and I was so excited that it was actually time to meet our daughter! It didn't take long at all and at 7:37 p.m. we heard " Here she is!" <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXI3Aau7sp4f5nBve1w0FX1NVJAly2XdGSzHmf4oFbJzHNnXDDLLF1h2TeXa11W8hZuyAgsu6QmViOFfE1uGpwOOTTiKZiiQcr0_n-C_0OdyAQWat6HeRe69VoB4H1diaIj7z0qAvQnMoj/s1600/DSC05596.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXI3Aau7sp4f5nBve1w0FX1NVJAly2XdGSzHmf4oFbJzHNnXDDLLF1h2TeXa11W8hZuyAgsu6QmViOFfE1uGpwOOTTiKZiiQcr0_n-C_0OdyAQWat6HeRe69VoB4H1diaIj7z0qAvQnMoj/s320/DSC05596.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>I cannot explain the flood of emotions that came over me!! She was actually here alive and healthy! She was beautiful! She didn't cry right away and I held me breath until I heard it...then she let out the loudest "I am here cry!" It was music to my hears! I thanked God for His faithfulness and provision over my little girl! They took her away for awhile but I could hear her crying to whole time. <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiC6VW7HNheCkmMb3ATuXi6hD6BTWUBISv9NhzsTWhG_1X21iXKKAe-RJdr1we3wo67L9pLsnTXZjpTU9l5Nleqw_9N-f_3xHEdkPqgJiQf9UKK7ETVJBebI4MdkSwRmUY-0T7TirzTXYh/s1600/DSC05607.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiC6VW7HNheCkmMb3ATuXi6hD6BTWUBISv9NhzsTWhG_1X21iXKKAe-RJdr1we3wo67L9pLsnTXZjpTU9l5Nleqw_9N-f_3xHEdkPqgJiQf9UKK7ETVJBebI4MdkSwRmUY-0T7TirzTXYh/s320/DSC05607.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Travis came back with her. Eva knew she was in her Daddy's arms, she was so quite and peaceful. It was a beautiful site to see my husband holding our daughter! After Travis left they gave me some meds to sleep and boy did I! <br />
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I woke up in the recovery room but something was different about waking up this time...I knew I had a baby waiting on me!!! I have been in that same recovery room 2 other times where the outcome was different. When I was rolled down the hall to my room I saw our sweet Eva Faith in the window, she was so beautiful! I couldn't wait to hold her and love on her!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This is the first time she was placed in my arms!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Vb7Tr4pJD68cExBm42DZq-LfHwIWDZKUDI0RalIM8hXTZDVTucb910AdvOnOFEtReoVyuMcCYYg3M6HeEoj-2I9W_l001u4zjapk4JOGFGi4RBHz1UuS3k9MQL_iJqOs2rOk1frntb3o/s1600/DSC05717.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Vb7Tr4pJD68cExBm42DZq-LfHwIWDZKUDI0RalIM8hXTZDVTucb910AdvOnOFEtReoVyuMcCYYg3M6HeEoj-2I9W_l001u4zjapk4JOGFGi4RBHz1UuS3k9MQL_iJqOs2rOk1frntb3o/s320/DSC05717.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Our first Family Picture! (It was almost midnight- poor Van is so tired!)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQEje0HJazI90GK7jlkb46QZttNR94-wi3phldKgH-NN2WpDyg6XdvIspF20g_XJOdLiNZsabJj8oT4kOUS8tY3wAxS2CBNe_BXcXb24B75eLIQ3r2CtgXPmFk4LEclxGv3z0rUyCRji6/s1600/DSC05720.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQEje0HJazI90GK7jlkb46QZttNR94-wi3phldKgH-NN2WpDyg6XdvIspF20g_XJOdLiNZsabJj8oT4kOUS8tY3wAxS2CBNe_BXcXb24B75eLIQ3r2CtgXPmFk4LEclxGv3z0rUyCRji6/s320/DSC05720.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Proud Big Brother! So blessed with the children God has given us!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3cvn6RFLqSvrPN1O5TRE6O33A-ms9Ut3SFwP9Jmk6pFSBwc6G3g563oSZmiOWIVI7QEcStm3Uaw8XtnIUuuFUz-duDl4_KYNy3r0koBK602TLDXkncxdKni-Q-zmqNlTvogv8uqBIPe1/s1600/DSC05721.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3cvn6RFLqSvrPN1O5TRE6O33A-ms9Ut3SFwP9Jmk6pFSBwc6G3g563oSZmiOWIVI7QEcStm3Uaw8XtnIUuuFUz-duDl4_KYNy3r0koBK602TLDXkncxdKni-Q-zmqNlTvogv8uqBIPe1/s320/DSC05721.JPG" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59h48EPE_MiOHl7UgTHtQu3oaSFg7IPF6OSiRrxTJtmTkK4plVSc59dKRieGSfCzxl00A-tuzSoBLDw3Rl_0z4NylaNPb5T-bLx0w97VpzqRzlMynrxCdvIhKekudSoyQ16F6ltOei9T9/s1600/DSC05724.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59h48EPE_MiOHl7UgTHtQu3oaSFg7IPF6OSiRrxTJtmTkK4plVSc59dKRieGSfCzxl00A-tuzSoBLDw3Rl_0z4NylaNPb5T-bLx0w97VpzqRzlMynrxCdvIhKekudSoyQ16F6ltOei9T9/s320/DSC05724.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPsnCy5eK6CytkCKf7q-zKB46BiLsJlv4Syj9UtdmgByLsuqnD6OSt3HqInbM0zGO0cNc89CvOcsi6TPfJDX6UzTkH3skp1WhjF_0BBDV-UFwSY9Oj_3jsS2Ivm-6OojvXroRG8M8UjqM/s1600/DSC05726.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPsnCy5eK6CytkCKf7q-zKB46BiLsJlv4Syj9UtdmgByLsuqnD6OSt3HqInbM0zGO0cNc89CvOcsi6TPfJDX6UzTkH3skp1WhjF_0BBDV-UFwSY9Oj_3jsS2Ivm-6OojvXroRG8M8UjqM/s320/DSC05726.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">We had some very sweet and tender moments at the hospital. It was like a dream I didn't want to wake up from. Travis and I couldn't believe we had a little girl! So many family and friends came to visit and see our little miracle!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2AG0E85OC8ksE8cYT8IBO82k3_5fZfQgBigzPHEGpCxLWxCW3s1EBy_01ProYlQyUBQhduifugmDgxd3G-akkk2kAfKzCfNFP-QSkWBWv-rOZYQI4qhR2dBH3XKjamQEutcN0tkcNy_1/s1600/2010-12-05+Eva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2AG0E85OC8ksE8cYT8IBO82k3_5fZfQgBigzPHEGpCxLWxCW3s1EBy_01ProYlQyUBQhduifugmDgxd3G-akkk2kAfKzCfNFP-QSkWBWv-rOZYQI4qhR2dBH3XKjamQEutcN0tkcNy_1/s400/2010-12-05+Eva.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"> I had her on a Friday and we left Monday afternoon. Sunday she started getting really yellow looking.That night poor Eva just screamed. I had to introduce the bottle to her, which I didn't want to do but she was starving and had jaundice. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDybFkmOnnVaZr3yr0p0eKXsNv0Lpyiw0A108vsJ7p9ToNaWGu5869Lae2yqp0z2ckqPcD59ntBAr4ENQhlyYK5AN8dqyAB5D4URq_1QGtRc13iSenpfAtu4esZUKebrykpviTD73V9V59/s1600/DSC05842.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDybFkmOnnVaZr3yr0p0eKXsNv0Lpyiw0A108vsJ7p9ToNaWGu5869Lae2yqp0z2ckqPcD59ntBAr4ENQhlyYK5AN8dqyAB5D4URq_1QGtRc13iSenpfAtu4esZUKebrykpviTD73V9V59/s320/DSC05842.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Monday early morning was crazy. Several doctors came in to see about her and then the lights were brought into the room. I hated to give Eva up to the lights. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQXvKt5OCuI6DT-JAc-r1W6xU17i6qeEKgMWOtZkeXFTexd8-OVpN_JoC6mndkKbnk7AtpxIxxjDgQYy0bk8peT8ZlEPd7ZFekLOu12SQbHslvCRro1zGRdFIjIc6G7BfCAz9_Bdmov7OC/s1600/DSC05848.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQXvKt5OCuI6DT-JAc-r1W6xU17i6qeEKgMWOtZkeXFTexd8-OVpN_JoC6mndkKbnk7AtpxIxxjDgQYy0bk8peT8ZlEPd7ZFekLOu12SQbHslvCRro1zGRdFIjIc6G7BfCAz9_Bdmov7OC/s320/DSC05848.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVZ1oAFqluWOtRlz2H-_wgLC9M_8GNdAwfWJqh33qof66IThFC0w-8FZYlRAm-y1qpfOnPXsh0uWVRdy66PRvAy52Fi4hJasqCHmrYThD5peCopEqqUcv-uwFeKFleJYOtbhpH1AArefFp/s1600/DSC05846.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="height: 240px; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 322px;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVZ1oAFqluWOtRlz2H-_wgLC9M_8GNdAwfWJqh33qof66IThFC0w-8FZYlRAm-y1qpfOnPXsh0uWVRdy66PRvAy52Fi4hJasqCHmrYThD5peCopEqqUcv-uwFeKFleJYOtbhpH1AArefFp/s320/DSC05846.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">We were able to go home but the lights were waiting on her when we got there. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbgv0RQpCLjOJ1BRv9JPSQiOVzSFKVJI_vxu79gL0E8scyUQZOdtU4DnXTk6K7_FQrKLp1XzKvu_DEN32qHERlmJkzdtITO1Mk2zSGb9LsxlPsX8PjGkTmpooqV3WNvSyWO8HuAEmKjRT/s1600/2010-12-06+Eva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbgv0RQpCLjOJ1BRv9JPSQiOVzSFKVJI_vxu79gL0E8scyUQZOdtU4DnXTk6K7_FQrKLp1XzKvu_DEN32qHERlmJkzdtITO1Mk2zSGb9LsxlPsX8PjGkTmpooqV3WNvSyWO8HuAEmKjRT/s400/2010-12-06+Eva.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It was just so good to be home!! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for our little Eva Faith and myself! God is so good and he protected myself and Eva during my whole pregnancy. He provided comfort when I needed it to calm my nerves! So thankful to God that I can hold our sweet Eva and to see Van be a big brother to his little sister! </div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-70817651173325205822010-11-15T22:06:00.000-05:002010-11-15T22:06:01.669-05:0035 Weeks!!Once again I have lacked on the updates! Eva is doing great and weighs over 5lbs!! We went and had the 3d ultrasounds done and of course Eva didn't really want us to see her. What we saw of her she looks like her Momma with those chunky cheeks! We were told she has hair- thank goodness all this heartburn has been for something! <br />
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So the Cerclage was planned to come out on Friday but I had to go in today for some complications and Dr.C went ahead and took it out today. Wow! Yes it was very painful!! And Yes I know it was worth it all but I can still share how painful it was and still is!! Now we are one more step closer to meeting Eva! We are just waiting on her and God's timing for her arrival! I can't believe it is almost time! I'm so filled with emotions. I'm so excited about Eva and seeing her but also I am dealing with the feelings of grief with Landon. They hit out of no where. The closer I get the more that I miss him. I know in the delivery room I am going to be an emotional reck. I'm going back to the place where I lost my son but yet I'm going there to bring new life into the world. So many people have made comments that Eva will be fine and deep down I do feel the same way, but what some people don't understand is that was said to me before and it wasn't fine. I know how fast life can be taken away once it is given to you. These are feelings that I just have to pray my way through. <br />
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Thank you for all of you who have prayed for Eva and I! We are almost there! I imagine the next post on here will be that she has arrived!! Can't wait to show her off to all of you!!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-52659615847060939152010-10-14T17:28:00.001-04:002010-10-14T17:28:35.922-04:00Baby Girl Update!Everything is going good...Praise God!! I keep having blood pressure problems but there has been no protein found in my urine which is really good! At my 28 week ultrasound she weighed 3.3 lbs!!! I could not believe how cute she was on the u/s screen! She was moving all over the place. You could almost see what she really looks like. The u/s tech tried to get several pictures but we have a very active little girl and she was moving too fast which made most of our pictures blury. But I can handle that!! Here is the profile shot...I think she looks like her mommy!! :) <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv1RjLURP-Yz-Ail8TK_g1B1ZLIAJmNgET2WIKz4nu39Ar75G-UDo1bdr7vonSu5mbuAb05uG2GxjysXovaqumQKpFLl4dI9ueWIeaU-jcV1CkvP8riPknqqb1OU0FyyJEENflE9intGsX/s1600/090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ex="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv1RjLURP-Yz-Ail8TK_g1B1ZLIAJmNgET2WIKz4nu39Ar75G-UDo1bdr7vonSu5mbuAb05uG2GxjysXovaqumQKpFLl4dI9ueWIeaU-jcV1CkvP8riPknqqb1OU0FyyJEENflE9intGsX/s320/090.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
At my 29 week appt. my bp was still alittle high. I started having Braxton Hicks contractions the other night. Talking about scary! I watched the clock for hours and kept moving around. They never got any closer than 20 min apart and then they stopped. I wouldn't be so worried but remember by cervix is sewed SHUT! So if she decides to come while my stitches are in...well, I don't even want to talk about the pain I will go through and that will be the end of my cervix. So yeah I am alittle worried. Anytime I start having heavy pain out of the ordinary I start praying. Praying that she doesn't come or if she is coming I can make it to the hospital in time to have the stitches removed! <br />
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Many people have asked when is she coming...well that is a good question! We want her to stay in until the end and that is what we are praying for. But from here on out my cervix will be checked almost weekly, if any changes are noticed then the stitches will come out and then we will just wait on little Eva to come! Also if they find high protein in my urine due to my high blood pressure then it will be time for her to come out. Last week I was put on another bp med. This one helps with bp and also for preterm labor contractions and I am still getting the weekly progesterone shots. My hips look awful and brusied from so many shots...but oh well..she is oh so worth it ALL!!! My doctor and I have joked that after all these meds I may have to be induced!! Wouldn't that be funny! <br />
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I can't thank God enough for getting me this far through this pregnancy. It hasn't been easy and there has been many restless nights praying through my fears and worries but I know when I see her face it will all be worth it. I deal with a lot of my emotions by talking with or reading about other Moms who have been in the same place that I am. Eva is concidered a "rainbow baby". Rainbow babies are babies conceived and born after a loss. There will always be pain, but there will also always be joy that follows it, just like the rainbow after the rain. Sometimes it appears right away, and sometimes we have to wait a while to see it. It has been a long, rough storm, and I’m looking forward to seeing a rainbow! It is so fitting for us. Everytime I see a rainbow it reminds of our precious Landon. After his funeral, while we were heading back to my paretns house to visit with friends and family, there was the most beautiful rainbow! When I saw that rainbow I knew then it was God's promise to me, that He hadn't forgot about us. I feel like Eva Faith is our rainbow in this rough storm that has lasted over 6 years battling with many years of infertility and infant loss. I can't wait to see her face, watch her take her first breathe, and hear her amazing first cry! Keep praying for us! We have 9 weeks and 3 days until my due date...not like I am counting or anything! :)<br />
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Love,<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-61413273932411029472010-09-17T00:26:00.000-04:002010-09-17T00:26:48.862-04:00Landon's One Year Heavenly Birthday - September 17thIt's so hard to believe it has been a year since we said goodbye to our precious little boy. We have been through a lot in this one year and have grown more than we could have imagined. The memories and thoughts are still so vivid. I remember thinking how in the world am I going to handle all this grief and loneliness. But I am happy to say I have overcome the hardest part of grief with God's help, love and understanding. I still have my days and miss Landon very much. Every time I see a baby boy I automatically think of Landon and what he would have looked like and been like. I wonder how Van and Landon's relationship as brothers would have been. I am still very sad we had to say goodbye but I know that Landon is in a better place and I know I will spend eternity with him! <br />
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In deciding what we would do for Landon's one year we had to take into consideration on how this would affect Van. When we came home a year ago and there was no more baby we had to explain the loss of Landon the best way we knew how to to a 3 year old. He knew that Landon was born to early and he had to go be with Jesus. He was okay with that explanation until the loss of our dog Sophie in August. Sophie was his playmate and best friend! This is when everything changed. Van was very upset and didn't understand why Sophie had to go be with Jesus also. I was already very sad for losing Sophie, (I had her for 15 years) but as a mother I was also very sad that once again we had to talk about death to our 3 year old. Death is such a big word to comprehend; even I have a hard time understanding the whys from it. Van cried many days about Sophie not being here with him and kept asking questions about Heaven. Now with the loss of Sophie he started to ask questions about Landon again.<br />
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I can't tell you how many nights I cried to God on how to explain death to Van and for him to understand it. These past 4 weeks have been pretty rough. He has asked so many questions and would cry out of the blue and say he wasn't ready to go to Heaven. He is also having a hard time understanding what is going to happen to Eva. He will ask if she is coming home or if Jesus will take her also. How do you answer that? It's been hard but God is giving us the strength and we continue to ask for the right words at the right time. <br />
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So with that being said, Travis and I celebrated Landon's one year Heavenly birthday tonight, just the two of us. We have come such a long way in this one year. I am proud of ourselves and proud we made it through the hardest parts holding onto one another and God's love. We have been each others rock! We are thankful for Landon! Even though Landon was only here for a short time he has changed our lives forever and taught us how precious life really is. I am honored to be his Mommy! <br />
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We have never shared all the pictures we took of Landon with us and our family. Here is a slide show I did in memory of him for his one year. <br />
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We miss and love you our dear little one! (Stop the music below before viewing video)<br />
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<object height="344" style="background-image: url(http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/uavYX1yO0vw/hqdefault.jpg);" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uavYX1yO0vw?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uavYX1yO0vw?fs=1&hl=en_US" width="425" height="344" allowScriptAccess="never" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-86740858408885407882010-09-10T09:04:00.001-04:002010-09-12T01:11:38.995-04:00Happy Birthday My Sweet Van!Wow! Time has flown so fast and I can't believe my baby boy is 4! He is so big but will always be my baby. When I look at my sweet Van's face I can see God's promises and love for us! He has been such an answered prayer by us and many others around us. I can't imagine my life without him. At first I didn't understand the many years of infertility but right when I saw our baby boy's face and held his sweet body I knew it was all worth it! God is good! We are so proud to be his parents and never want to take his life for granted. We are so blessed as a family! This is a video from the time we meet our precious son up to now... enjoy! (You will need to turn music off to this page before viewing slide show.)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object height="344" style="background-image: url(http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/OFGH726k_gQ/hqdefault.jpg);" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OFGH726k_gQ?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OFGH726k_gQ?fs=1&hl=en_US" width="425" height="344" allowScriptAccess="never" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-16011827584957856622010-09-01T23:44:00.000-04:002010-09-01T23:44:13.051-04:0024 Week Appointment<div style="text-align: left;">I had my 24 week check up today (I am 24 weeks & 4 days). These past couple of days I have been in more pain than what I normally am, so I was ready to get to the doc. Little Eva Faith has been kicking constantly at my cervix for the past few days. In "normal" pregnant women that would be uncomfortable but in me it is <b><span style="font-size: large;">very</span></b> uncomfortable! I am already in pain down there without the kicks so with the kicks I can hardly walk some days. So I was relieved today when Dr.C said the cervix still looks good and is staying pretty well closed. I am loving all the kicking! I guess if that is where she wants to kick then I can deal with it as long as she isn't trying to kick her way out! I do ask her if she could move and kick somewhere else- she hasn't listened yet...but I know she will soon! *fingers crossed* </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Okay so the bad part about my appointment is I have very high blood pressure. It has been a little high but now it is getting way high...I mean very high! They took it three times and the scores were...190/96...193/118....and then again 196/98!! Yeah I know..*GASP*!! So we are believing God will heal this and these meds will help that Dr. C gave me. I go back in a week and see if it has gone down. I am trying not to be worried but as a mother I want to protect and keep my little girl safe. Please pray for Eva's safety and that the meds work! </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-17890688541234413402010-08-27T00:52:00.000-04:002010-08-27T00:52:34.533-04:00Finally....an Update!I haven't updated in awhile- you would think I would be better about this since I am on bed rest but...I'm not. Travis got a job!! Amen to answered prayers!!! (The plant he worked for shut down in March) I can't get over how God has taken care of us during these past 5 months that we were both out of work. I am so glad at how everything worked out because he was able to be with me during the hardest parts of pregnancy and my surgery. God knows perfect timing! <br />
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It's unbelievable that I have been on bed rest for over 8 weeks. Time has gone quickly until now. These past couple of days have been so slow. I will be 24 weeks pregnant on Sunday. That is when I gave birth to Landon. It seems like yesterday that he was here and gone. Even though I am pregnant and things are going good it doesn't fill the hole that Landon left in my heart. I still dream about him and wonder what and who he would have been like. I miss him! I know when Eva Faith gets here I will try to find Landon's face in hers and wonder if they would have been alike. It's hard to believe his Heavenly 1 year birthday is coming up Sept. 17th. It seems like yesterday I had to say goodbye. <br />
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When we found out we were having a precious girl I had to clean out the nursery. It was very bitter sweet. I was happy to fill it with pink but it was so hard to say goodbye to all the blue. We always kept that door shut. It was "that room" I didn't like to go in. It was such a sad reminder that none of our boys have come home to us. It took the whole night to go through everything. I shed many tears. It was very emotional. It was like the final goodbye to my boys. I was able to give the stuff to 2 good friends that just had baby boys. So I was happy to give them the items so they could use them.<br />
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We have been working on the nursery. The pink is moving in! Being on bed rest it has been slowly but surely. I have been ordering stuff online and ran into Hobby Lobby very quickly and picked up some items! I am excited to see the end outcome! I wanted to work on it early and get most of it done while I can get up and move around some. Don't really know what is to come with this bed rest thing. Plus I wanted to enjoy getting her room ready.<br />
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Sometimes with "baby loss mommas" it takes awhile to accept the baby and to truly allow yourself to fully love the baby you are carrying because of fear. I knew I didn't want that to happen and in the beginning I fought that battle. That is one of the reasons we had her name so quickly and the other was it was just perfect for her! We wanted her to be real to us by name. We bought a heart monitor so we could bond with her and feel that connection. That helped and yes I did listen to her almost every night for awhile! I also have bought her several things, well okay many many items but this is another way that helps me feel like she will be coming home. My advise to other moms that are in my shoes is do what you want that helps you during your pregnancy. Don't listen to what everyone else says you should or should not do. It is time for you to think about you and your baby and what will help you during this scary but joyous time. Nothing can explain the feelings and emotions you will feel during all of this. I sure can't at times!<br />
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The actual pregnancy part is going good. I am still in pain everyday due to them stitching a nerve into my cerclage. I am learning to deal with it. If I lay down I don't feel it as bad, but to sit up, stand and walk it is constant pain. I only take pain pills when I go out on my "outing days" and if I hurt so bad I can't stand it at home. I get my weekly progesterone shots. Haven't had that many side affects with those. Just the injection sites are very sore and I sweat like crazy!! If you come to my house I will have the fan on high and a box fan on! The box fan goes with me room to room and I also take cold showers! But I think it is all worth it!! Every time I feel her kick and move it brings me great joy. She is a crazy little thing and I love it. I just don't know when she sleeps! I wish I could train her now on her days and nights because she sure has them confused! <br />
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I go for my 24 week check-up on Wed. of next week. It will be an emotional but good visit. I delivered Landon 2 days before what was to be my 24 week check-up. I will update after that appointment and hopefully we will have more pics of little Eva Faith!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-44941835875689157062010-07-10T17:49:00.000-04:002010-07-10T17:49:59.947-04:00Baby Girl Albert's Name!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So when we first got pregnant we started thinking of names. This time with names we thought more about the meanings of them. So the first name we picked out for a little girl could not have fit any better. We were waiting to see if there might be another name before we share, but every time we think of her or pray for her this name sticks! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">so, we are naming our sweet little girl....</span><br />
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</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Eva means "gift of life" and we have Faith that she will be alive in our arms!!</span></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Now when you pray for our sweet little girl you can pray for her by name! God has given us another great gift and we are so thankful for her!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Love, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-53936508928203652122010-07-10T12:07:00.001-04:002010-07-10T12:09:05.495-04:00IT'S A GIRL!!!!!We are so excited to announce that we are having a <span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">GIRL</span>!! I think we are still in shock. This pregnancy has been different than the other 2. I have been a lot sicker but I am embracing it and wouldn't change it! When we did the gender US with Landon it took almost an hour because he would not show us anything. I prayed the night before that would not happen with this one. The sweet lady at First Glimpse fit me in because she knew I wanted to find out before my surgery. <br />
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I was so excited to find out that I could not sleep the night before and for some reason I was so nervous!<br />
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So we started the US and of course our little bundle of joy had her legs crossed! But after a bottle of water and lots of poking and rubbing the belly- she moved and showed us her glory! The sweet lady told Van and then Van told us <span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">"I'm having a Sister!"</span> Tears flooded my eyes! I was so excited! And then Van pushed the big blue button and turned off the sonogram machine!! Ha!<br />
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We would have been happy with whatever God blessed us with but I think God knew it needed to be a girl. To be honest I was really worried how I would have reacted if it was a boy. I would have been happy but I think I would have felt like I was replacing Landon. We have lost so many boys in our past that I was worried I would have put that baby boy in that category. Some of you may think how could you do that but after so much loss your mind and emotions start to do things to protect you. God knew we needed a change, God knew exactly what He was doing and I am so thankful for that!<br />
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So without further a due here is our Sweet baby GIRL!!!<br />
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</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-12087007938853418042010-07-10T11:06:00.000-04:002010-07-10T11:06:39.435-04:00Baby Update!We went to the doctor this past Tuesday and found out that the Cerclage (stitching of the cervix) is back on the table. The specialist and my doc went back over everything and feel that it would be better if I did have it done. We lost our first baby - at 17 weeks, so the surgery was planned very quickly to place it in my 17th week and no later. I was shocked at the news and a little confused. The specialist explained all the complications that could happen if they placed it with me being diagnosed with Preterm Labor. And now they want to do the procedure! They were honest and said they really could not tell if my early delivers were due to incompetence cervix or preterm labor. So I am getting treatments for both. I started the weekly progestrone shots this week also, they reduce my chance of preterm labor by 30%. Another reason they want to go ahead and stitch my cervix while I have not dilated or have shown any signs of preterm labor is it is safer to do it now than have to do a "rescue cerclage". That is when I start to show signs of labor they place the cerclage then. This causes a high risk of infection- which is not good. <br />
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The Cerlcage is planned for Monday morning. I need prayers for my nerves and for the recovery. Pray no infection happens- if that happens it could cause me to go into labor. I can not imagine losing another baby. I pray every morning that my body stays strong and that this isn't the last day I have with my precious baby. This journey has been a huge emotional roller coster but God does give me peace when I allow Him too. To receive anything from God you have to be open to it and fight the devil out of your thoughts and emotions. The devil is powerful but I know my God is bigger than it all! <br />
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I will be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy-wow! I knew it would come but when it is really here it makes me nervous! I have been on semi-bed rest for awhile now. Right after my surgery I will be only leaving the house to go to the doctors. After that we will be playing it by ear with the docs. I am due December 19th. Pray I make it to term! Thanks for every one's prayers and continue to pray for me and baby!!<br />
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Love, <br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-7971300272551848632010-06-01T19:23:00.001-04:002010-06-01T21:56:22.256-04:00Progress on Baby Albert<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am 11 1/2 weeks as of now. I have been to the doctor already many many times. Baby is growing and doing good. Baby A gave us a scare last Wed. We went to the doctors right away and did an US. Baby A is so high right now it is pressing on my bladder and other organs causing pain and discomfort. As long as the baby is okay I am fine, I can deal with it!</span><br />
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</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, today we meet with the high risk doctor. It has been talked about since the follow up after we lost Landon that with the next pregnancy I would have my cervix stitched. So we thought we were walking in there to get the surgery date and the when and where. I never realized what a security that was to me until today when we heard the words "I'm not going to stitch your cervix." I felt like my security and safety was being ripped away from me. He diagnosed me as someone with "Preterm Labor" not faulty cervix. So with that being said there really is no treatment except for weekly shots, which I already knew I was getting those.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Preterm Labor is worse because they never really know what causes me or when to go into labor. I feel like we are back to square one with really no answers or help. I am so crushed! Anything can cause me to go into labor and I have to be the one to catch it....I didn't with the last 2 so how is this going to work. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb with a baby. If I do start to go into labor, they have to catch it before I get to 4cm dilated to save the baby. After that there is no stopping it. Wow! So how scary is that...I thought this pregnancy would be different. I thought they would stitch me up to keep the baby safe and sound wait 7 more months then unstitch me and have a baby. Now that's not the case. All my safety has been stripped. Every time I feel any kind of pain or discomfort I have to go to the doctor right away. Those of you who have been pregnant know discomfort and slight pain comes with the course. So how do you distinguished between them before it is to late for me and our baby. </span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know God is bigger than ALL of this and I know that He does miracles. I have seen them and have heard about them. So we pray he works a miracle here! I have cried almost all day and the tears won't stop. I didn't know how devastating this news would be and how hard this would be. The devil has put so much fear into me today that I pray God takes it away and I allow Him too. I need peace right now. We just didn't expect any of this today and are still in shock. We need lots of prayers for peace, knowledge and understanding. This journey will test our faith in so many ways!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So with that all being said here is our precious baby that needs all the prayers! We watched Baby A move and wiggle today in my belly, such a great moment. I fall<span style="background-color: white;"> more and more in love every time</span> I see our baby! The pics aren't the greatest, sorry!</span><br />
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<div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Baby A at 8 weeks!</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt6M78cmgxTj7Cf2X1DIPSJIvVb9bnOJtyfMleCFbw3ur78UORqkjvdbO2GIceRW9X7UfN89Zrp2dxyBotvN_Sl593e4z_uZzHYuDlCSgr3HAoMWuUUjTHTaDEb1nhM6dPj0y2JfqK46Wn/s1600/005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt6M78cmgxTj7Cf2X1DIPSJIvVb9bnOJtyfMleCFbw3ur78UORqkjvdbO2GIceRW9X7UfN89Zrp2dxyBotvN_Sl593e4z_uZzHYuDlCSgr3HAoMWuUUjTHTaDEb1nhM6dPj0y2JfqK46Wn/s320/005.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Baby A at 10 1/2 weeks! </span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiLPgLActsULg-EzYdLr9goUsN1ZPgG3pztWrqQ3MwywBaTFLPpON0-Pussi_dWDfcLaNHl59u7jD3k5-d1gA0hY_3ueOEIsxDgJOiz4673Kl0sSqHrywWjFkwyp1KnZXIiu83DGcKi38/s1600/004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiLPgLActsULg-EzYdLr9goUsN1ZPgG3pztWrqQ3MwywBaTFLPpON0-Pussi_dWDfcLaNHl59u7jD3k5-d1gA0hY_3ueOEIsxDgJOiz4673Kl0sSqHrywWjFkwyp1KnZXIiu83DGcKi38/s320/004.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Baby A at 11 1/2 weeks!</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sweet profile shot!</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIt1uP_b8Va61fXku2s_OR_F-46aoXD6UKy4cGLr6kheTr2PtQj6CgVWGiCSNKLyPT6M9wslIG94ImDEoFYukwM6PGLfrn3bBaTaH7FqQe6_EMN-nEGzR_rPfmzrZMJKYGzYJt5lVp_det/s1600/002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIt1uP_b8Va61fXku2s_OR_F-46aoXD6UKy4cGLr6kheTr2PtQj6CgVWGiCSNKLyPT6M9wslIG94ImDEoFYukwM6PGLfrn3bBaTaH7FqQe6_EMN-nEGzR_rPfmzrZMJKYGzYJt5lVp_det/s320/002.JPG" /></a></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-61915223803107777982010-05-10T00:00:00.000-04:002010-05-10T00:00:01.688-04:00We're Pregnant....Again!Yes you read right, We are Pregnant Again! It is so hard to believe that we tried for years to get pregnant and it never happened. At the time we were very disappointed and discouraged, but once we adopted Van we saw God's perfect plan for our family. Everything fell into place. The love for a child that we wanted to share came to light. We could not imagine our lives without Van. To be honest those long years of infertility and the long nights of crying and hurting went away once we saw his perfect face. I am so amazed at how God works! <br />
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So here is to another season that we are clinging to God to show us his prefect plan for our family. Being pregnant for the 3rd time is a miracle and blessing in itself but knowing I have no living children from the other pregnancies breaks my heart. Even though things have not turned out the way we thought, we still hold onto God's word. I still believe He answers prayers and knows the desires of our heart. <br />
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This Mother's Day was very strange for me. I really didn't know how to feel or what to feel. We went and visited Landon's grave this morning. It is so peaceful but heart wrenching out there. I prayed over all the Momma's that were celebrating Mother's Day without their babies to hold. It seems like as much as I go out there I would be use to going to a burial plot but I'm not. It still hurts and I always ask myself, "is this really my life?" But once I saw Van's sweet face at my mom's house (he had to spend the night there sat. night) it made a lot of my sorrow go away. I will always have a large hole in my heart for my babies who are not in my arms but Van does fill the rest of it up. He is such a big ball of happy energy and I thank God for him all the time! Even though no one spoke of Landon's name today, I thought about him all day and how much I miss him. <br />
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It is so hard to believe we are on our 5th child but we are still just trying for the 2nd child. That is just crazy to us. We are so believing and have faith in our God that he knows the right path for our new baby! This baby is in God's hands! <br />
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This is our prayer for our new miracle and I ask that you are in agreement with us.<br />
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Dear Heavenly Father, <br />
Thank you so much for blessing us with another miracle. We ask that you put a hedge of protection over our baby and our family. We ask that you let this baby grow and function the way you intended for creation to be. We ask for a full term baby. We ask for a strong cervix to hold this precious miracle growing inside. We ask for healing in my body.We ask that you take away our fears and let us enjoy being pregnant. We ask for wise doctors and staff. We ask that you settle my nerves and accept the fact that I am pregnant again. That I embrace this baby as if it was my first pregnancy. That you give us peace and hope during these months. That you surround us with loving and strong prayer warriors for this baby and our family. That you supply helpers when we might need help. God we just ask that your Will be done during this pregnancy and the walk with you. We cling to you and your Word. It says that when there are 2 or more gathered it shall be done. We so believe your Word and have faith that we will be holding a healthy full term baby the second week of December. Thank you Heavenly Father for letting us be parents to so many children in our hearts! We love you. <br />
Amen<br />
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I also want to ask that anytime you think of us and our baby that you say a pray for us! We need as many prayers as we can get! I will keep you posted on the growth of our precious baby and the processes we are going through. <br />
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Thank you so much for reading this and caring for our family! It's been a long journey so far but we are looking forward to this new journey that we are on!<br />
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Love,<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a><br />
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</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-48970198296924144022010-03-10T01:28:00.000-05:002010-03-10T01:28:17.730-05:00Project Landon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUirKrXBk2oTykBuqWEO6oZiTx_SWNh6q2jv5bZ-z08Ukfs0RXwKnWe3mZLqhUfRHVYtyVMxHRPg3nAGGCX5xmVKu8Tkkrlsrq3-3PiS_2AoUyIWb-19bIiLjcKo0SN5T4e69pIDAPcS9a/s1600-h/PL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" kt="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUirKrXBk2oTykBuqWEO6oZiTx_SWNh6q2jv5bZ-z08Ukfs0RXwKnWe3mZLqhUfRHVYtyVMxHRPg3nAGGCX5xmVKu8Tkkrlsrq3-3PiS_2AoUyIWb-19bIiLjcKo0SN5T4e69pIDAPcS9a/s320/PL.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> I am so excited to announce Project Landon! My sister, Landon's Auntie, really got the ball rolling! I knew I wanted to do something in memory of my son but in these past few months all I have been trying to do is get my feet back on the ground. With God's help and his amazing grace I am getting through this with such amazement even to myself!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I remember I was driving home from Macon when Ginger called me. We were just talking about some things and then she told me about what she was thinking. She told me about her idea with Project Landon. The call went silent and I just cried. First thing, hearing Landon's name come out of someone else's mouth is music to my ears! Not to many people talk about him because they are scared they will hurt me or affraid of what reaction they will get. Well, I love when people talk about my baby, he will always be alive in my heart! Second thing, I loved that she too wanted to help others in the memory of our sweet Landon! What a sweet sister I have! I loved the idea and that is how Project Landon came about! It came from a mother's love and an Auntie's love! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I am so excited about this ministry we are about to embark on! I pray that God guides us and leads us to the people who need a little hope in their lives. During this journey you feel like your life has just totally fallen apart but with God's love and the love ones around, you slowly rebuild. Thank you to everyone who wants to be apart! It means the world to me!! I love you my sweet and dear sister, you are the greatest! </div> <br />
Even if you can't sew or knit, you can still help! To get detailed info about Project Landon click <a href="http://www.projectlandon.blogspot.com/">here</a> to go to the blog. <br />
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</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-74368028602569532010-01-28T19:37:00.002-05:002010-01-28T20:03:45.277-05:00What do you do when your life falls apart?I was sitting and watching Van play with his new blocks while I was trying to do one of my Bible studies. He built a HUGE tower and was so proud!! The tower stood the same height as him. Then all of a sudden the top blocks fell to the ground but the foundation stood still. Well of course my child with his God given temper got very upset and kicked the rest of the blocks down. I just watched and observed without saying a word. He started to rebuild the tower; half way through it fell again. Once again he got angry and cried and kicked the rest of the tower down.<br />
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When that second tower fell to the ground God spoke to me! He said "every time your tower falls, do you get angry and kick? Do you turn away from me and pout? Or do you keep your foundation strong and build a bigger tower on that foundation?"<br />
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Wow! When life happens and things fall apart, what do we do? Do we just give up? Do we turn away from the blessings that God desires for us? Do we let the devil defeat us? Do we pout and blame God?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">OR </span><br />
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Do we stand firm in our belief that God is bigger than Satan and with God's help Satan can be defeated? Do we have faith that our God will bring us out of the dark valley? Do we look towards God for help instead of the ways of the world?<br />
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I don't know about you but I want to do the OR part! I know my God is great! He can defeat Satan! God can make things new again! God can make the tears turn into laughter! God can give you peace and hope while you walk through the dark valleys in your life! I know this because He has done that for Travis and I!! I want to look towards God for help and not to the ways of the world. I want to tell people no matter how big your problem is or how deep your depression is, God is bigger than all of it!! <br />
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A verse that has really spoke to my heart in the last few weeks is:<br />
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"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 <br />
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I pray this verse every day. I change it so it reads, "My God of hope fill <span style="font-size: large;">ME</span> with all joy and peace as <span style="font-size: large;">I trust</span> in you God, so that <span style="font-size: large;">I</span> may <span style="font-size: large;">overflow</span> by the power of the Holy Spirit" <br />
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I heard a great saying early this morning, "When you are going through a storm in life you need to hold one arm up to praise God and the other one to wipe the tears away." I love that! What an awesome statement of faith! <br />
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I thank you God for speaking to me and reminding me of your presence in my life on a daily basis! I thank you for giving me hope and peace during these trying times in my family's life. I thank you for being there to listen to my cry. I thank you for just being you God! <br />
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With Love,<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a><br />
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P.S. Van built another tower, but this time he made TWO huge towers!!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-4458562263053216982010-01-19T13:15:00.003-05:002010-01-24T23:16:22.123-05:00Gifts for LandonOn Landon's due date it rained all day, just like the day I delivered him. My parents took us to lunch at Cracker Barrel. Van <strike>likes</strike> LOVES their pancakes and cheese eggs! It was raining so hard we were not able to get out at the gravesite. It gets so muddy there. Plus, Van is still kind of sick. Landon's Grandmommie and Granddaddy bought his flowers for the season and also the sweetest little lamb. The lamb says "Lamb of God". So Van & I went when it stopped raining to put his presents from Gma and Gdad there. They look so sweet out there so I wanted to share! <br />
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<div style="clear: both;"><div style="text-align: left;">I also wanted to share another sweet gift from my Dad. The day of Landon's funeral my Dad gave me two gold and diamond crosses,one for me and one for Landon. How sweet is that!! I cried of course! It just shows how much my Dad loves me and how much he cares. There was nothing anyone could do to make the situation better, but with that gift it made it sweeter! The beautiful cross is such a sweet reminder of my precious baby and I love knowing that he is wearing one too! Here is a picture I cropped; I was holding him one last time before the funeral. Such a sweet photo to me!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The blanket you see was made by Landon's sweet Auntie Ginger. She had already started on it for his shower gift. She flew in from CA immediately after everything happened to be there for us. She finished his blanket while traveling so he would have his blankie! Also, his Granny (Travis' Mom) picked out his sweet outfit he is wearing. <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have such an amazing family! They have helped us in everyway they know how too! We are so thankful for all of them!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">With Love, <br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img height="95" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" width="200" /></a><br />
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</div></div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-29060814991719969552010-01-16T13:22:00.000-05:002010-01-16T13:22:16.351-05:00Today is the Day..January 16th...Our Due Date..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ55w1OjJtOdaNpMLUpsCpJMxJJUxWEzmYwLXJ4byNBPo30mFLLXcNd-xsNb6v_B4hQ2LAn4MoQm3RR15jAqUQxIi3rxOKz22dxcgglDyW_jv9dsif1jVF6ndaW8lbEkRSrRyc36qE74cy/s1600-h/395.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ55w1OjJtOdaNpMLUpsCpJMxJJUxWEzmYwLXJ4byNBPo30mFLLXcNd-xsNb6v_B4hQ2LAn4MoQm3RR15jAqUQxIi3rxOKz22dxcgglDyW_jv9dsif1jVF6ndaW8lbEkRSrRyc36qE74cy/s200/395.JPG" /></a><br />
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Today is a hard day. Today was to be our Due Date....what a happy day this could have been. Today resembles the day I actually delievered Landon...rainy and dark. Landon lived for only a couple of hours. Those hours were the most precious to Travis and I. I recieved his birth certificate the other day, such a bitter sweet moment. The lady at the office tried to talk to me but I could not get any words out.... the bright side on it was I got his certificate for free! Today we are taking the day to celebrate Landon. He has brought so much to our family. He has helped us depend on God like we never have before. Our faith has grown stronger and we have become closer as a family. We miss Landon so much but we know he is having a wonderful time in Heaven! So thankful we have our 2 little angels in Heaven looking over our family! <br />
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Thank you so much for everyone's kind words and thoughts! They have helped me so much. Many people forget. If you ever think of Landon or our family please leave a comment, send us a message through facebook, text, or give us a call. It feels so good when we know people are thinking of our precious angel, Landon and ourselves. <br />
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We miss you baby boy!<br />
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Love,<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-32688945285096477712010-01-14T13:52:00.000-05:002010-01-14T13:52:45.501-05:00HaitiMy heart has grown so heavy for the people in Haiti. 80% were already living below the poverty line and now this has happened. Yesterday and this morning I have been online looking at all the news reports and also the ministries that God has placed in Haiti for His people. I found this one ministry that grabbed me. It is a rescue mission for children who are sick and suffering from severe forms of malnutrition. The pictures of these children are heart wrenching. Licia, the one who started the center, has lived over in Haiti since 1995. I do not know this woman but admire her so much. She listens to God and has to depend on God solely for help with the center. At times she doesn't know where supplies or food will come from for these children, but then she prays and always they are taken care of! What a Mighty God we serve!! <br />
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Looking at these pictures and reading these stories remind me how blessed Travis and I are. Even though we have gone through some really rough times and still are going through them. We still have more than those in Haiti. We have never gone without a meal (besides fasting), we have a healthy son, we have a roof over our head, we have transportation, we have fresh water, clean clothes and most of all we have Hope! That is what I pray for the people of Haiti, that they may have Hope and Peace during this difficult time. That God will handle the ciaos that is breaking out and that He will supply the needs of everyone!<br />
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If you want to help the people in Haiti and don't know what to do...here are 2 options.<br />
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You can go to this<a href="http://www.haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/"> link</a> and make donations by clicking on the Donate PayPal or mail your checks to the given address. (There are so many other sites you can donate too, another one is <a href="http://www.compassion.com/">Compassion</a> )<br />
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Our church is also taking up donations to send through a mission group who is going over there. Items that we need are: tee shirts, jeans and shorts, flip flops, suitcases, first aid supplies, small tents, and camp stoves. If donating clothes make sure they are simple and clean, it is 80 degrees over there. If you can donate these items we need them ASAP (by this Saturday.) Please send me a message if you would like to help. I can pick up the items or tell you where to drop them off. Your help will be greatly needed! <br />
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"He who gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes (from their want) will have many a curse." Proverbs 28:27<br />
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This verse was for me. As you may know I was laid off from my job the first of Dec. then just a week ago we find out Travis' plant that he works for is being closed. So with that being said, we are trying to save as much as we can because we do not know what the future holds for us. BUT we are trusting and believing that God will supply for us and show us the path he wants us to go. So, we are giving as God as told us. Ask God how much and listen to Him. Then trust that even if you don't "think" you have it that God will provide for you because He will see your heart out of your acting of giving. <br />
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Much Love,<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a> <br />
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Here are just a few pics of the Center<br />
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<div align="center">These are the children sleeping outside because of the earthquake<br />
</div><div align="center">Can you imagine this being your child?<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Here is a before and after. What they do for these children is amazing!<br />
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</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-15117354514113732602010-01-10T00:08:00.003-05:002010-01-10T00:59:40.903-05:00Married Happily Ever After!Wow! 6 years ago was one of the happiest days of our lives! We were getting married!! The day was so prefect and beautiful! We have had so many ups and downs. I wanted to do something fun, so I asked Travis why he decided I was to be his wife 6 years ago, this is what he said...I promise I am not adding or taking away anything! :) <br />
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• you were nice<br />
• very caring<br />
• you were pretty<br />
• you were fun<br />
• gorgeous eyes<br />
• we liked the same music<br />
• we were both in ministry<br />
• love God<br />
• he was shy, me not so shy...it worked<br />
• both loved kids<br />
• I had junk in the trunk (HA!! He said that should really be #1!)<br />
• our first outing we jammed out to Ice Ice Baby & Baby Got Back (yes I danced! He said I won him over with my car dancing skills!! lol)<br />
• my family accepted him ... (tattoos, piercings and all!)<br />
• we both had similar backgrounds...testimonies<br />
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Okay so now are my reasons why I wanted him to be my hubby!<br />
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• very cute/sexy of course<br />
• looked like a bad boy but really a big teddy bear<br />
• love God<br />
• very caring...will do almost anything for anybody<br />
• kind of shy...but once you got him talking it was over!<br />
• never changed for anyone...what you see is what you get<br />
• a giver to God and others<br />
• respectful<br />
• I could be myself around him<br />
• he liked chunky girls!! LOL <br />
• over came addictions with God's help<br />
• loved kids<br />
• fun to be around<br />
• a big kid...still is!!<br />
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So those are just some of the reasons why we wanted to be husband and wife! Now that we have been married for 6 years I could add more to that list. He has been a strong tower in everything that we have been through. He is a wonderful father. He supports me. He doesn't let things bother him like they do me, which is helpful at times. He is who he is, and sometimes I need to learn from that! <br />
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This is what Travis added to the list of post-marriage. Great mother, always there in times of need, stronger Christian given all that we have been through, loving wife, considerate of others feelings, and very strong willed. That last one I think is a compliment and negative quality; he smiled BIG when he said it!!<br />
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I just thank God for blessing us with each other! We would have not chosen the road that we have been down but I will say we are thankful for it. It has made us who we are today. We have experienced each other in ways we hope other couples will never have to experience each other. I am happy to say we love each other dearly after our long road of 6 years!<br />
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<div align="center">When I was given away by my wonderful Daddy!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It took two to marry us..Pastor Steve and Pastor Dwayne!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Yay! We were married!!<br />
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Happy Anniversary Baby!<br />
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Love,<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a><br />
<br />
PS. this song playing "How Beautiful", is the song that played while my wedding party and I walked down the isle. The beautiful Cassandra Matlock sang it so beautifully! I loved it!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-3844251685926524442010-01-09T11:03:00.000-05:002010-01-09T11:03:49.651-05:00Spencer Travis....2 Years Ago Today<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today, January 9th, is Spencer Travis' (his birthparents named him Tyler), 2nd birthday! I so wish things could have been different and we were the ones giving him a birthday party. I can't believe it has been 2 years! When we found out the birthmother was in labor we were so excited! We could not believe we were about to have another baby boy. Everything was ready! Nursery ready, car seat in the car, all clothes washed, all the bottles were ready, formula ready, enough diapers for triplets ready, got the double stroller, and the house was clean and ready for the little one (even adoptive moms nest). Never in my mind did I ever doubt the placement of Spencer since we already had Van(they are biological brothers). We were just waiting on the phone call to go get our new bundle of joy! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then we got that horrible phone call the next day on the 1oth (our 4 year wedding anniversary). I had just put Van down for a nap and then the phone rang. It was our case worker, I knew when I heard her voice it was not good. I was standing at our kitchen counter and Travis was at work. She told us that things got complicated and the birthmother and the biological father decided to parent the baby boy. I couldn't hold it together on the phone with her. She prayed for us and told us to pray for Spencer, that God's Will be done. That prayer is so hard when you know you may not get what you want. In this situation it was not God's Will. I had to call Travis at work and tell him, he came home immediately. Our hearts and to be honest our spirits were broken. Then we had to call the rest of the family. We went from such happiness to such sadness in 2 days. Our lives were changed. At that time, I never knew that would be our first of many losses.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We kept the car seat in the car for several days. Neither of us had the courage to take it out, plus we were hoping God would change her mind. It was so hard putting all of Spencer's stuff up. I did it in stages. The last thing that came down was the pack-n-play in our bedroom. I waited for about 2 weeks to take it down. We shut the door to the nursery and didn't go back in for months. It was an awful reminder. It's been 2 years, 3 babies and the nursery is still empty. That is so hard. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We pray every day for Spencer (Tyler). I still pray that she may call. That would be my wish for myself and also for Van. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Coming from a mom who has lost a baby through adoption and also lost babies through pregnancy loss, the emotional hurt is about the same. You long for that baby the same. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled. The only thing different, I know Landon and Patrick are safe, they are with the best Father ever, Our Heavenly Father. With Spencer we have no clue and may never know. We pray that he is! Our doors and hearts will always be open for Spencer!! We will always love him!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Happy 2nd Birthday Spencer!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">With God's love,</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/40/CCB74DB4967F055C2C86EED5A15BAF90.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-69508787800898355462009-12-29T02:42:00.000-05:002009-12-29T02:42:21.770-05:00Christmas CardI had not been looking forward to Christmas, for the obvious reasons.One of them is I didn't want to send out cards, mostly because I didn't know what to put on them.I knew the time was coming and I had to decide. If you know me this is something I love doing. It's so much fun sending and receiving Christmas cards. I love comparing them from the year before and seeing how the family has changed or grown. Our family has changed so much in this past year and has grown. So I didn't really know what or how I was going to do the card. I prayed about it. Then I came up with an idea. I thought it was a great idea but I knew it would make some people uncomfortable. So I prayed again. I talked to our photographer, Jenny at <a href="http://www.jennyevelynphoto.com/">http://www.jennyevelynphoto.com/</a> , and she agreed to do the photo. When we were taking the photo I still wasn't sure I was going to use it. Jenny emailed me the photos and I loved them. I cried. I cried tears of saddness, that this was even my reality and then tears of happiness, that I finally have a family photo. These pictures mean so much to Travis and I . I sat late at night online making our cards. When it was time to send them to be printed, I hesitated. I just wasn't sure. <br />
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Our cards didn't go out until the week of Christmas. Delayed by days and hours because of worry over how Landon's photo on the cards might be received. I think sometimes I worry too much about whether or not my grief is convenient or uncomfortable for other people. I sent the cards despite my fear. This is our family and this is our reality. I love them. I just hope the ones that received them saw an angel and not just our baby that has passed.<br />
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Here are the pictuers that were on our card...Our First Family Photo!!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My Boys, Van Ericson & Landon Thomas<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMwEZHSJ2oVNJLU3v5IOYTf5BWginUyDdGnzzx-XZszjadNUISl3IWygV2368LBTKssZ1J8zfqX_oGVsZJ6mXvC4mukAbMaBHd1rYnpFmLg1wbuQmwqFvB51ANRZQRQk6fDqQmGI9dqNnq/s1600-h/van+annd+landon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMwEZHSJ2oVNJLU3v5IOYTf5BWginUyDdGnzzx-XZszjadNUISl3IWygV2368LBTKssZ1J8zfqX_oGVsZJ6mXvC4mukAbMaBHd1rYnpFmLg1wbuQmwqFvB51ANRZQRQk6fDqQmGI9dqNnq/s400/van+annd+landon.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and I am looking forward to the New Year! I believe God's blessings are going to flow on our family and many more! <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>With love from Travis, Melissa, Van & our sweet Angel in Heaven Landon Thomas</em></span><br />
</div>MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-87835280879355684492009-12-28T15:37:00.000-05:002009-12-28T15:37:25.521-05:00Confessions of a Broken HeartI had to take a break from the blog for alittle bit. I wanted to write, but I have had so many different emotions that I wasn't sure what to write. <br />
<br />
Thanksgiving was really hard. It was good to be around our family and see everyone happy, but to be honest I was dying inside. I am truly grateful for all the blessings God has given me and I thank Him everyday for those. I don't know what I would do without my husband and my precious Van. Van has been such an angel given to our family and has helped me beyond belief. He is the reason I get out of bed, the reason I continue to be strong and not just totally shut down or give up. But I am human and I hurt and long for the things I do not have, and those are my children. <br />
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When you become pregnant you have an instant bond with the creation growing inside you. You have hopes and dreams for this child. You think about who they will look like and who they will act like. What is their favorite color, toy, blanket, song and bedtime story. These hopes and dreams have been crushed for me three times. It doesn't get easier, it only gets harder. After each loss all the pain and hurt from the others come rushing back. <br />
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For people who have lost ones they love, the holidays are just a big reminder that they are not here. I have several ways my family could have been this holiday. I could have an almost 2 year old little boy running around with my 3 year old. Or I would have a 2 month old along with my 3 year old. Or happily expecting sweet Landon in a couple of weeks. Everyone told me I would be having him around Christmas. Christmas is here and I do not have my Landon. I miss him so much and this emptiness will not go away. I seriously thought after a few months the pain would get alittle easier but it hasn't. Somedays I feel I am starting over in my grieving process. Here lately I have been mad about it, then I go to being just deeply sad. Grieving is hard and draining.<br />
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What was to be my due date with Landon is fast approaching. I am dreading it to be honest. It's just another big reminder that he is not here and will not be here. I just wish this was all a bad dream. My heart aches for him and I can't fix it. Some people say well at least you have Van. We are so very thankful for Van and love him to death but we want all of our sons! What we have gone through is not something we will get over in a few months, this is a lifetime pain. But I know it will get easier over the years. I am no where near the easier part. <br />
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With God's grace and love I am making it!MelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3591537381161692474.post-33387623863639697152009-11-17T02:16:00.000-05:002009-11-17T02:24:19.009-05:002 Months!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Dear Landon, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You are 2 months old today in Heaven! I always wonder what your days are filled with. Are you running and playing with all the other angel babies, having story time with Jesus, watching us from up above, spending time with your great grandparents or uncle Eric, or are you having a blast with your big brother or sister. I know you are in a better place but the place I long for you to be is in my arms! It has got a little easier but not much. God has given me peace and hope for the future but that doesn't take away the fact my heart still breaks and longs for you. Some may have already forgot you and some do not even acknowledge your existence. That breaks my heart! You were and are our son forever! Mommy and Daddy miss you so much Landon! If you were here I would take your picture with a cute sign or blocks saying 2 months! If I had my way you would still be in my belly and I would be 33 weeks happily pregnant! The holidays are fast approaching. I am going to be happy sad. Happy and blessed I have your big brother and deeply sad we don't have you. Have a happy 2 months in Heaven. We will be there one day to celebrate with you! We miss you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Love, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Mommy, Daddy and Big Bro Van</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">A poem I found and loved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Dear Mommy and Daddy,</span><br />
<br />
Before we said our first hello,<br />
The time had already passed.<br />
For when you held me in your arms,<br />
I had gone to heaven to rest.<br />
<br />
I felt angelic tears down my cheeks,<br />
And I watched you as you wept.<br />
I wish I could have changed it all,<br />
Your tears touched my soul so deep.<br />
<br />
But mommy & daddy when you are sad,<br />
Please be assured I know.<br />
For death cannot take away your love,<br />
It will only continue to grow.<br />
<br />
When you are feeling far away,<br />
And missing me so much.<br />
Close your eyes and feel my wings,<br />
Their soft and gentle touch.<br />
<br />
Or at night as you sleep,<br />
I will join you in a dream.<br />
You will see me standing close to you.<br />
And we’ll be lost within my wings.<br />
<br />
So my dear mommy and daddy,<br />
As you go from day to day,<br />
Find comfort in the knowledge,<br />
I am never that far away.<br />
<br />
<br />
Angel WhispersMelissaLeighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05258508051481207143noreply@blogger.com1