First week home with Eva!

Bringing Eva home was so surreal! We couldn't believe it. I wasn't happy that she had to be under the lights due to her being jaundice but I was just so happy that our family was all together.

The first couple days I spent on the couch right next to her. Eva could only be out of the lights for feeding and diaper changing.

Travis had to go back to work the day after we came home. That was so hard because I was beyond tired. Teresa, Travis' mom would come get Van and take him to school for me and would keep him so I could sleep when Eva slept. Also she had to drive Eva and I to the baby doctor about Eva's jaundice levels. On Tuesday her numbers had doubled! I was heart broken! They told me if the numbers went any higher we had to take her back to the hospital. That night Travis and I prayed over her and asked God to please heal the jaundice and make the numbers go down instead of up. The next day we took her to get her blood drawn and the nurse called me that afternoon and said  her numbers had been cut in half and NO more billi lights!!! Hallelujah! I was so happy! I packed the lights up, called the healthcare provider and told them to come get their lights!

Now I was able to put her in her cute clothes and love on her the way I wanted too! It was so much fun to see Eva and Van interact with each other. He wanted to hold her constantly and give her kisses.  Who wouldn't though? She is just so cute!

Then I started to get sick...

Eva Faith has been Here...a long and overdue post!

So hard to believe that the nursery that has been closed since January of 2008 is now in use! The room that I dreaded to go in and never really did is now so full of LIFE!

Travis and I checked into the hospital on December 2nd at 11pm. I was being induced at 37 weeks due to my blood pressure being so high and the meds at this point weren't helping. Plus I was ready! I was ready to see my daughter's face and hear her cry! I was very nervous. I was nervous about the delivery in general and nervous about how I was going to handle being back in the same area where we had to say good-bye to Landon.

They took me to L&D, I was praying in my head, "Please God don't let them put me in the same room as last time." And they didn't, I was relieved. The nurse hooked me up to the monitor and started the first part of the process. When I got to the hospital I was already 2 cm dilated and having contractions. The contractions were every 3-6 mins but they stopped about 2 hours after I got there.Then it was time to sleep so I could be prepared for the early morning activities. Well, my dear sweet husband went right onto sleep and he snored ALL night long and VERY loud!! Even the nurses were making comments! So with my nerves and Travis cutting logs there was barely any sleep for me and I was the one about to do ALL the work!

The next morning I was so happy that I got a nurse I knew named Ashley. She knew our story and just her knowing that really helped my nerves. They started the meds and Dr. C broke my water. Boy did the contractions start then! I was having horrible back labor. I had the same with Landon. I asked for an epidural soon after. With me having the cerclage my cervix was very tender and I was in a lot of pain with every check they had to do. Once I got the epidural I was able to relax but never really went to sleep. But a few hours into the wonderful epidural it stopped working!! The back labor was back and oh so painful! They tried fixing it but it would not work so my only option was for another one to be placed. It took 3 people trying to place the second one. With all 3 having 2 tries...I was stuck 6 times! Plus during this time I was having strong contractions with horrible back labor. I am not really sure how long this epidural lasted before it stopped working . All the pain came rushing back..AGAIN!

We started the process around 7am and at this point it was around 5-6pm. I made it to 8cm but come to find out Eva was stuck and turned wrong. She was NOT coming out this way and I was in so much pain that a C-section was the next step. Everyone started moving fast to get me prepared for the c-section. I started getting nervous and was a little sad, but the pain was so bad that is all I could think of. It took a little while for the anesthesiologist to place the spinal. That was the most painful part. I held onto Ashely and just cried. As soon as the spinal was placed there was instant relief! Then Travis was able to come in and the process started! I was shaking like crazy which freaked Travis out. He kept asking, "are you sure you are okay?" I was and I was so excited that it was actually time to meet our daughter! It didn't take long at all and at 7:37 p.m. we heard " Here she is!"

I cannot explain the flood of emotions that came over me!! She was actually here alive and healthy! She was beautiful! She didn't cry right away and I held me breath until I heard it...then she let out the loudest "I am here cry!" It was music to my hears! I thanked God for His faithfulness and provision over my little girl! They took her away for awhile but I could hear her crying to whole time.

Travis came back with her. Eva knew she was in her Daddy's arms, she was so quite and peaceful. It was a beautiful site to see my husband holding our daughter! After Travis left they gave me some meds to sleep and boy did I!

I woke up in the recovery room but something was different about waking up this time...I knew I had a baby waiting on me!!! I have been in that same recovery room 2 other times where the outcome was different. When I was rolled down the hall to my room I saw our sweet Eva Faith in the window, she was so beautiful! I couldn't wait to hold her and love on her!

This is the first time she was placed in my arms!

Our first Family Picture! (It was almost midnight- poor Van is so tired!)

Proud Big Brother! So blessed with the children God has given us!

We had some very sweet and tender moments at the hospital. It was like a dream I didn't want to wake up from. Travis and I couldn't believe we had a little girl! So many family and friends came to visit and see our little miracle!

 I had her on a Friday and we left Monday afternoon. Sunday she started getting really yellow looking.That night poor Eva just screamed. I had to introduce the bottle to her, which I didn't want to do but she was starving and had jaundice. 

Monday early morning was crazy. Several doctors came in to see about her and then the lights were brought into the room. I hated to give Eva up to the lights. 

We were able to go home but the lights were waiting on her when we got there.

It was just so good to be home!!

Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for our little Eva Faith and myself! God is so good and he protected myself and Eva during my whole pregnancy. He provided comfort when I needed it to calm my nerves! So thankful to God that I can hold our sweet Eva and to see Van be a big brother to his little sister! 

35 Weeks!!

Once again I have lacked on the updates! Eva is doing great and weighs over 5lbs!! We went and had the 3d ultrasounds done and of course Eva didn't really want us to see her. What we saw of her she looks like her Momma with those chunky cheeks! We were told she has hair- thank goodness all this heartburn has been for something!

So the Cerclage was planned to come out on Friday but I had to go in today for some complications and Dr.C went ahead and took it out today. Wow! Yes it was very painful!! And Yes I know it was worth it all but I can still share how painful it was and still is!! Now we are one more step closer to meeting Eva! We are just waiting on her and God's timing for her arrival! I can't believe it is almost time! I'm so filled with emotions. I'm so excited about Eva and seeing her but also I am dealing with the feelings of grief with Landon. They hit out of no where. The closer I get the more that I miss him. I know in the delivery room I am going to be an emotional reck. I'm going back to the place where I lost my son but yet I'm going there to bring new life into the world. So many people have made comments that Eva will be fine and deep down I do feel the same way, but what some people don't understand is that was said to me before and it wasn't fine. I know how fast life can be taken away once it is given to you. These are feelings that I just have to pray my way through.

Thank you for all of you who have prayed for Eva and I! We are almost there! I imagine the next post on here will be that she has arrived!! Can't wait to show her off to all of you!!

Baby Girl Update!

Everything is going good...Praise God!! I keep having blood pressure problems but there has been no protein found in my urine which is really good! At my 28 week ultrasound she weighed 3.3 lbs!!! I could not believe how cute she was on the u/s screen! She was moving all over the place. You could almost see what she really looks like. The u/s tech tried to get several pictures but we have a very active little girl and she was moving too fast which made most of our pictures blury. But I can handle that!! Here is the profile shot...I think she looks like her mommy!! :)

At my 29 week appt. my bp was still alittle high. I started having Braxton Hicks contractions the other night. Talking about scary! I watched the clock for hours and kept moving around. They never got any closer than 20 min apart and then they stopped. I wouldn't be so worried but remember by cervix is sewed SHUT! So if she decides to come while my stitches are in...well, I don't even want to talk about the pain I will go through and that will be the end of my cervix. So yeah I am alittle worried. Anytime I start having heavy pain out of the ordinary I start praying. Praying that she doesn't come or if she is coming I can make it to the hospital in time to have the stitches removed!

Many people have asked when is she coming...well that is a good question! We want her to stay in until the end and that is what we are praying for. But from here on out my cervix will be checked almost weekly, if any changes are noticed then the stitches will come out and then we will just wait on little Eva to come! Also if they find high protein in my urine due to my high blood pressure then it will be time for her to come out. Last week I was put on another bp med. This one helps with bp and also for preterm labor contractions and I am still getting the weekly progesterone shots. My hips look awful and brusied from so many shots...but oh well..she is oh so worth it ALL!!! My doctor and I have joked that after all these meds I may have to be induced!! Wouldn't that be funny!

I can't thank God enough for getting me this far through this pregnancy. It hasn't been easy and there has been many restless nights praying through my fears and worries but I know when I see her face it will all be worth it. I deal with a lot of my emotions by talking with or reading about other Moms who have been in the same place that I am. Eva is concidered a "rainbow baby". Rainbow babies are babies conceived and born after a loss. There will always be pain, but there will also always be joy that follows it, just like the rainbow after the rain. Sometimes it appears right away, and sometimes we have to wait a while to see it. It has been a long, rough storm, and I’m looking forward to seeing a rainbow! It is so fitting for us. Everytime I see a rainbow it reminds of our precious Landon. After his funeral, while we were heading back to my paretns house to visit with friends and family, there was the most beautiful rainbow! When I saw that rainbow I knew then it was God's promise to me, that He hadn't forgot about us. I feel like Eva Faith is our rainbow in this rough storm that has lasted over 6 years battling with many years of infertility and infant loss. I can't wait to see her face, watch her take her first breathe, and hear her amazing first cry! Keep praying for us! We have 9 weeks and 3 days until my due date...not like I am counting or anything! :)

                                                                                                Love,
                                                                                    

Landon's One Year Heavenly Birthday - September 17th

It's so hard to believe it has been a year since we said goodbye to our precious little boy. We have been through a lot in this one year and have grown more than we could have imagined. The memories and thoughts are still so vivid. I remember thinking how in the world am I going to handle all this grief and loneliness. But I am happy to say I have overcome the hardest part of grief with God's help, love and understanding. I still have my days and miss Landon very much. Every time I see a baby boy I automatically think of Landon and what he would have looked like and been like. I wonder how Van and Landon's relationship as brothers would have been. I am still very sad we had to say goodbye but I know that Landon is in a better place and I know I will spend eternity with him!

In deciding what we would do for Landon's one year we had to take into consideration on how this would affect Van. When we came home a year ago and there was no more baby we had to explain the loss of Landon the best way we knew how to to a 3 year old. He knew that Landon was born to early and he had to go be with Jesus. He was okay with that explanation until the loss of our dog Sophie in August. Sophie was his playmate and best friend! This is when everything changed. Van was very upset and didn't understand why Sophie had to go be with Jesus also. I was already very sad for losing Sophie, (I had her for 15 years) but as a mother I was also very sad that once again we had to talk about death to our 3 year old. Death is such a big word to comprehend; even I have a hard time understanding the whys from it. Van cried many days about Sophie not being here with him and kept asking questions about Heaven. Now with the loss of Sophie he started to ask questions about Landon again.

I can't tell you how many nights I cried to God on how to explain death to Van  and for him to understand it. These past 4 weeks have been pretty rough. He has asked so many questions and would cry out of the blue and say he wasn't ready to go to Heaven. He is also having a hard time understanding what is going to happen to Eva. He will ask if she is coming home or if Jesus will take her also. How do you answer that? It's been hard but God is giving us the strength and we continue to ask for the right words at the right time.

So with that being said, Travis and I celebrated Landon's one year Heavenly birthday tonight, just the two of us. We have come such a long way in this one year. I am proud of ourselves and proud we made it through the hardest parts holding onto one another and God's love. We have been each others rock! We are thankful for Landon! Even though Landon was only here for a short time he has changed our lives forever and taught us how precious life really is. I am honored to be his Mommy! 

We have never shared all the pictures we took of Landon with us and our family. Here is a slide show I did in memory of him for his one year. 

We miss and love you our dear little one! (Stop the music below before viewing video)

Happy Birthday My Sweet Van!

Wow! Time has flown so fast and I can't believe my baby boy is 4! He is so big but will always be my baby. When I look at my sweet Van's face I can see God's promises and love for us! He has been such an answered prayer by us and many others around us. I can't imagine my life without him. At first I didn't understand the many years of infertility but right when I saw our baby boy's face and held his sweet body I knew it was all worth it! God is good! We are so proud to be his parents and never want to take his life for granted. We are so blessed as a family! This is a video from the time we meet our precious son up to now... enjoy! (You will need to turn music off to this page before viewing slide show.)

24 Week Appointment

I had my 24 week check up today (I am 24 weeks & 4 days). These past couple of days I have been in more pain than what I normally am, so I was ready to get to the doc. Little Eva Faith has been kicking constantly at my cervix for the past few days. In "normal" pregnant women that would be uncomfortable but in me it is very uncomfortable! I am already in pain down there without the kicks so with the kicks I can hardly walk some days. So I was relieved today when Dr.C said the cervix still looks good and is staying pretty well closed. I am loving all the kicking! I guess if that is where she wants to kick then I can deal with it as long as she isn't trying to kick her way out!  I do ask her if she could move and kick somewhere else- she hasn't listened yet...but I know she will soon! *fingers crossed*

Okay so the bad part about my appointment is I have very high blood pressure. It has been a little high but now it is getting way high...I mean very high! They took it three times and the scores were...190/96...193/118....and then again 196/98!! Yeah I know..*GASP*!! So we are believing God will heal this and these meds will help that Dr. C gave me. I go back in a week and see if it has gone down. I am trying not to be worried but as a mother I want to protect and keep my little girl safe. Please pray for Eva's safety and that the meds work!