I haven't updated in awhile- you would think I would be better about this since I am on bed rest but...I'm not. Travis got a job!! Amen to answered prayers!!! (The plant he worked for shut down in March) I can't get over how God has taken care of us during these past 5 months that we were both out of work. I am so glad at how everything worked out because he was able to be with me during the hardest parts of pregnancy and my surgery. God knows perfect timing!
It's unbelievable that I have been on bed rest for over 8 weeks. Time has gone quickly until now. These past couple of days have been so slow. I will be 24 weeks pregnant on Sunday. That is when I gave birth to Landon. It seems like yesterday that he was here and gone. Even though I am pregnant and things are going good it doesn't fill the hole that Landon left in my heart. I still dream about him and wonder what and who he would have been like. I miss him! I know when Eva Faith gets here I will try to find Landon's face in hers and wonder if they would have been alike. It's hard to believe his Heavenly 1 year birthday is coming up Sept. 17th. It seems like yesterday I had to say goodbye.
When we found out we were having a precious girl I had to clean out the nursery. It was very bitter sweet. I was happy to fill it with pink but it was so hard to say goodbye to all the blue. We always kept that door shut. It was "that room" I didn't like to go in. It was such a sad reminder that none of our boys have come home to us. It took the whole night to go through everything. I shed many tears. It was very emotional. It was like the final goodbye to my boys. I was able to give the stuff to 2 good friends that just had baby boys. So I was happy to give them the items so they could use them.
We have been working on the nursery. The pink is moving in! Being on bed rest it has been slowly but surely. I have been ordering stuff online and ran into Hobby Lobby very quickly and picked up some items! I am excited to see the end outcome! I wanted to work on it early and get most of it done while I can get up and move around some. Don't really know what is to come with this bed rest thing. Plus I wanted to enjoy getting her room ready.
Sometimes with "baby loss mommas" it takes awhile to accept the baby and to truly allow yourself to fully love the baby you are carrying because of fear. I knew I didn't want that to happen and in the beginning I fought that battle. That is one of the reasons we had her name so quickly and the other was it was just perfect for her! We wanted her to be real to us by name. We bought a heart monitor so we could bond with her and feel that connection. That helped and yes I did listen to her almost every night for awhile! I also have bought her several things, well okay many many items but this is another way that helps me feel like she will be coming home. My advise to other moms that are in my shoes is do what you want that helps you during your pregnancy. Don't listen to what everyone else says you should or should not do. It is time for you to think about you and your baby and what will help you during this scary but joyous time. Nothing can explain the feelings and emotions you will feel during all of this. I sure can't at times!
The actual pregnancy part is going good. I am still in pain everyday due to them stitching a nerve into my cerclage. I am learning to deal with it. If I lay down I don't feel it as bad, but to sit up, stand and walk it is constant pain. I only take pain pills when I go out on my "outing days" and if I hurt so bad I can't stand it at home. I get my weekly progesterone shots. Haven't had that many side affects with those. Just the injection sites are very sore and I sweat like crazy!! If you come to my house I will have the fan on high and a box fan on! The box fan goes with me room to room and I also take cold showers! But I think it is all worth it!! Every time I feel her kick and move it brings me great joy. She is a crazy little thing and I love it. I just don't know when she sleeps! I wish I could train her now on her days and nights because she sure has them confused!
I go for my 24 week check-up on Wed. of next week. It will be an emotional but good visit. I delivered Landon 2 days before what was to be my 24 week check-up. I will update after that appointment and hopefully we will have more pics of little Eva Faith!
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