Friday, September 17, 2010

Landon's One Year Heavenly Birthday - September 17th

It's so hard to believe it has been a year since we said goodbye to our precious little boy. We have been through a lot in this one year and have grown more than we could have imagined. The memories and thoughts are still so vivid. I remember thinking how in the world am I going to handle all this grief and loneliness. But I am happy to say I have overcome the hardest part of grief with God's help, love and understanding. I still have my days and miss Landon very much. Every time I see a baby boy I automatically think of Landon and what he would have looked like and been like. I wonder how Van and Landon's relationship as brothers would have been. I am still very sad we had to say goodbye but I know that Landon is in a better place and I know I will spend eternity with him!

In deciding what we would do for Landon's one year we had to take into consideration on how this would affect Van. When we came home a year ago and there was no more baby we had to explain the loss of Landon the best way we knew how to to a 3 year old. He knew that Landon was born to early and he had to go be with Jesus. He was okay with that explanation until the loss of our dog Sophie in August. Sophie was his playmate and best friend! This is when everything changed. Van was very upset and didn't understand why Sophie had to go be with Jesus also. I was already very sad for losing Sophie, (I had her for 15 years) but as a mother I was also very sad that once again we had to talk about death to our 3 year old. Death is such a big word to comprehend; even I have a hard time understanding the whys from it. Van cried many days about Sophie not being here with him and kept asking questions about Heaven. Now with the loss of Sophie he started to ask questions about Landon again.

I can't tell you how many nights I cried to God on how to explain death to Van  and for him to understand it. These past 4 weeks have been pretty rough. He has asked so many questions and would cry out of the blue and say he wasn't ready to go to Heaven. He is also having a hard time understanding what is going to happen to Eva. He will ask if she is coming home or if Jesus will take her also. How do you answer that? It's been hard but God is giving us the strength and we continue to ask for the right words at the right time.

So with that being said, Travis and I celebrated Landon's one year Heavenly birthday tonight, just the two of us. We have come such a long way in this one year. I am proud of ourselves and proud we made it through the hardest parts holding onto one another and God's love. We have been each others rock! We are thankful for Landon! Even though Landon was only here for a short time he has changed our lives forever and taught us how precious life really is. I am honored to be his Mommy! 

We have never shared all the pictures we took of Landon with us and our family. Here is a slide show I did in memory of him for his one year. 

We miss and love you our dear little one! (Stop the music below before viewing video)

Friday, September 10, 2010

Happy Birthday My Sweet Van!

Wow! Time has flown so fast and I can't believe my baby boy is 4! He is so big but will always be my baby. When I look at my sweet Van's face I can see God's promises and love for us! He has been such an answered prayer by us and many others around us. I can't imagine my life without him. At first I didn't understand the many years of infertility but right when I saw our baby boy's face and held his sweet body I knew it was all worth it! God is good! We are so proud to be his parents and never want to take his life for granted. We are so blessed as a family! This is a video from the time we meet our precious son up to now... enjoy! (You will need to turn music off to this page before viewing slide show.)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

24 Week Appointment

I had my 24 week check up today (I am 24 weeks & 4 days). These past couple of days I have been in more pain than what I normally am, so I was ready to get to the doc. Little Eva Faith has been kicking constantly at my cervix for the past few days. In "normal" pregnant women that would be uncomfortable but in me it is very uncomfortable! I am already in pain down there without the kicks so with the kicks I can hardly walk some days. So I was relieved today when Dr.C said the cervix still looks good and is staying pretty well closed. I am loving all the kicking! I guess if that is where she wants to kick then I can deal with it as long as she isn't trying to kick her way out!  I do ask her if she could move and kick somewhere else- she hasn't listened yet...but I know she will soon! *fingers crossed*

Okay so the bad part about my appointment is I have very high blood pressure. It has been a little high but now it is getting way high...I mean very high! They took it three times and the scores were...190/96...193/118....and then again 196/98!! Yeah I know..*GASP*!! So we are believing God will heal this and these meds will help that Dr. C gave me. I go back in a week and see if it has gone down. I am trying not to be worried but as a mother I want to protect and keep my little girl safe. Please pray for Eva's safety and that the meds work!