Today Van and I went and got a pumpkin for Landon. On the way to the pumpkin patch Van and I were talking in the car. It amazes me how kids understand and perceive things.
When everything happened Travis and I weren't to sure on how we were going to incorporate Van in all this. We didn't want to scare him but we really wanted him to know about his baby brother. We prayed over Van and asked God to protect him during all of this. And God has. He has given Van such a sweet spirit of understanding about Landon. Van is going to think it is normal having a baby brother angel in Heaven looking down!
Growing up I remember my parents trying to shield me on the topic of death, but in our household it is very real and around us. I look at death in a whole new outlook. It truly is a glorious event! It is another stage in life, for a Christian it is the best stage of life! We get to meet our Heavenly Father! Our Creator! The One who knew us before we were in our mother's womb! How amazing! The place that we all want to be and I already have 2 babies there! I have pieces of me in Heaven! Landon and Patrick have the best Father ever now. They got to by pass this fallen world and go to the most high place! This amazing knowledge does not make the pain any easier or the feeling of loss any less, but it does give me peace.
Back to the car and pumpkins! Van was very excited just to get a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. I was telling him how I wanted to put Landon's name on his pumpkin. Then Van asked "how are we going to give Landon the pumpkin?" I told Van we are going to put it on his grave and Landon can look down from Heaven and see it. Then Van replied "oh, that is why we have to put his name on it, so he can see it!"
At the patch we picked out Landon's, then Van wanted a real small pumpkin that he could carry. When we got to the grave site, I asked Van if he wanted to keep his pumpkin or leave it on the grave. He said he wanted to leave it for his brother. Van never said a name. When I took the picture of Van with the pumpkins it hit me! This picture is a representation of my 3 babies! There was Van, our little unnamed miracle (until recently, Patrick), and then Landon! I love that picture! To someone else it is just a picture of Van with pumpkins, but to me it is my life!
The last thing Van asked me was, " can we go to Jesus and give Landon the pumpkin?" My reply was," no not yet, someday we will be able too."
I have been married 7 years to my best friend and the love of my life!! We started trying for a family soon after marriage, but to our dismay things were not going as we planned. We went down the fertility road for about 2 ½ -3 years. Then we turned to Adoption to plan for our forever family! This is how our journey begins with our boys! We got the phone call November the 8th, 2007 and to our surprise we were chosen by a Birthmother to parent her 2 boys!! Our first son, Van Ericson, came home to us November 12th, 2007 when he was 14 months old! I cannot begin tell you how excited and in awe we were to finally have a family! Van is our first miracle! He just turned 3 years old September the 9th. On January the 9th, 2008 our second son, Spencer Travis, was born. We got a phone call the day before we were going to bring him home telling us his Birthmother decided to parent him. Our hearts were extremely broken! For a very long time afterwards I found myself waiting for a phone call telling us to come pick up Spencer. I am still hoping to this day we get that phone call! In late January 2009, Travis and I decided to put our paperwork in for the 2nd adoption. Then a miracle happened! I was pregnant!! I was pretty far along when we found out. Due to my conditions I had nothing to go by to tell me I was pregnant except God telling me to take a test! We were shocked and so excited! Then everything started going wrong. I started to bleed, but to our surprise our baby seemed to be ok. Two days after seeing the doctor and being reassured everything seemed to be good, it happened. I started to miscarry. The miscarriage was a horrible experience in so many ways. We tried making it to the hospital but I lost too much blood and started passing out. The ambulance had to take me the rest of the way. We lost our precious baby around 1 am March 18th, 2009 at 17 weeks. About 2 months later I became pregnant AGAIN! Another miracle! My pregnancy was going perfect! I had no bleeding and nothing major to be concerned about. But to our dismay our 4th child did not make it to term. I went into pre-term labor. Our precious son Landon Thomas was born September 17, 2009 at 4:51pm. He was 24 weeks gestation. He was so early and could not make it on his own. Landon was 1 lb 2 oz, 11 ½ inches long. He went to be with Jesus that same day. We miss him so much and not a moment goes by that we don't think of him. What we would give to hold him one more time! Landon will be forever missed! Then in April of 2010 we found out we were pregnant AGAIN! Another Miracle! I was on bedrest for almost my entire pregnancy, a cerclage was placed and I had weekly doctor visits and shots. Our little GIRL, Eva Faith arrived safe and healthy December 3rd 2010!! A week after given birth to my daughter I had to be admitted back into the hospital with breathing problems.I had to be placed on the ventilator. My family was told I wasn't going to survive and if I did it would be a very long recovery. Well my GOD is bigger and He healed me and I was albe to be home for Eva's first Christmas!!This is not the journey that Travis and I would have chosen for ourselves but God has given us this journey and we are trying to learn from it everyday! In the beginning we would ask the question “Why God?” but now our question has changed to “what purpose God?” (To know more about the day Landon went to be with Jesus click below on 10/28/09- The Day it Happened.)