Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Today Van and I went and got a pumpkin for Landon. On the way to the pumpkin patch Van and I were talking in the car. It amazes me how kids understand and perceive things.

When everything happened Travis and I weren't to sure on how we were going to incorporate Van in all this. We didn't want to scare him but we really wanted him to know about his baby brother. We prayed over Van and asked God to protect him during all of this. And God has. He has given Van such a sweet spirit of understanding about Landon. Van is going to think it is normal having a baby brother angel in Heaven looking down!

Growing up I remember my parents trying to shield me on the topic of death, but in our household it is very real and around us. I look at death in a whole new outlook. It truly is a glorious event! It is another stage in life, for a Christian it is the best stage of life! We get to meet our Heavenly Father! Our Creator! The One who knew us before we were in our mother's womb! How amazing! The place that we all want to be and I already have 2 babies there! I have pieces of me in Heaven! Landon and Patrick have the best Father ever now. They got to by pass this fallen world and go to the most high place! This amazing knowledge does not make the pain any easier or the feeling of loss any less, but it does give me peace.

Back to the car and pumpkins! Van was very excited just to get a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. I was telling him how I wanted to put Landon's name on his pumpkin. Then Van asked "how are we going to give Landon the pumpkin?" I told Van we are going to put it on his grave and Landon can look down from Heaven and see it. Then Van replied "oh, that is why we have to put his name on it, so he can see it!"

At the patch we picked out Landon's, then Van wanted a real small pumpkin that he could carry. When we got to the grave site, I asked Van if he wanted to keep his pumpkin or leave it on the grave. He said he wanted to leave it for his brother. Van never said a name. When I took the picture of Van with the pumpkins it hit me! This picture is a representation of my 3 babies! There was Van, our little unnamed miracle (until recently, Patrick), and then Landon! I love that picture! To someone else it is just a picture of Van with pumpkins, but to me it is my life!

The last thing Van asked me was, " can we go to Jesus and give Landon the pumpkin?" My reply was," no not yet, someday we will be able too."

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